Why do people say, work to save your marriage….?
posted Thursday,
8:12 am
when the marriage is all screwed up? Not talking about being happily married upteen years and then go bad. Talking about from day 1. So many times I see where a marriage is all screwed up and only been married 1 year. Isn’t that a HUGE SIGN saying that two people are incompatible. C’mon, married a few months and it’s pathetic, why should anyone try to fix something that is obviously wrong?
Related Posts
Filed under: Marriage
This happens a lot. It’s not common but it is frequent. Marriage changes your identity and is difficult to get grow into. But growing into it is one thing. Incompatibility that was swept under the rug is another.
Never take "marital advice" in generalities. Anyone giving you advice about your marriage needs a hundred facts before they say anything.
If it was that bad from the first day, they shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.
If it’s "screwed up" from day one, what’s the point in getting married at all?
it’s a huge sign that the couple didn’t plan or discuss the way they were going to live, how they were going to deal with problems and setting goals in their lives. it’s all about not being prepared and just jumping into marriage for the sake of being married, i think.
I agreew ith Sandy and let em tell you one other fact: ITS HELL BEING SINGLE !!!!! look at the singles page !
I agree with the first two answers. The scenario you describe is too bizarre. If two people don’t get along, why would they simply not get married, rather than marry and then divorce? Your example assumes two weird, unwise people!
Well generally, because the people who say "work to save it – don’t give up so easily – bla, bla, bla" have NEVER walked a mile in those shoes. It’s all very well and good to say when it doesn’t apply to you!
If the marriage has been screwed up since day one…there should have been some signs that the relationship wasn’t going to work BEFORE the marriage took place…and if two people chose not to see the signs and married anyways…then they should at least give it their best shot at working to save the marriage…when they could have prevented the problems by either not getting married or at least postponing the marriage until differences were worked out…
I personally know a couple just like this !! They have only been married for 2 months and he regrets it A LOT.
I don’t believe that he was in love with her nor her with him. But they were just tired of being alone.
Now he feels stuck and so does she.. Not a great way to live the rest of their lives as Man and Wife
the problem is people get that euphoria from a new relationship, and assume you’ll feel the same way throughout the marriage. The don’t date for long, or if they do they don’t live together beforehand. I was friends with my wife for 4 years before we even dated, so I knew lots about her. Marriage is like anything else good in this world, it takes work to acheive it. If you want to be in the NFL, you work hard every day. If you want the best marriage, you work hard every day at that! it’s worth it
Stuff like that says wrong reason to get married: sex but nothing else. Reality sets in and nothing in common.
I only tell people who have negligible differences to work through to try to save their marriage. If you made a critically stupid error in getting married to a person, I highly suggest you learn from your mistake about what drew you to them in the first place, learn not to repeat that mistake again, then rapidly get a divorce.
I’m also on record as the Best Man at my cousin’s first wedding as directly telling him on the day of his marriage, (and many times after they were engaged) "Don’t do it man, it’s a big mistake." This wasn’t because I don’t agree with marriage, it was because it was patently obvious they were not compatible with eachother. They learned it the hard way and were divorced within 3 months of their marriage.
That being said I never recommend long term marriages should stay together through serial infidelity, spousal abuse, justified distrust, criminal behavior, financial irresponsibility, substance abuse, mutual hatred, etc..
On the flip side I don’t recommend divorce just because the marriage was dull, the sex unexciting, the couple didn’t share every interest together, the inlaws are quirky, etc.. Those are all workable issues in a relationship. I hope this helps.
> why should anyone try to fix something that is obviously wrong? <
Good point. Question: Does either party want to try and make things better? Does the other partner also want to make things better?
If one person does not, then the other person is wasting their time.
A none native American went to work on an Indian reservation as a teacher. She found great difficulty in getting any of her students to answer questions that she was certain that at least a few would know the answers to. She felt even a greater suspicion that a number were simply just not co-operating with her.
It took a while to find out that there was amongst the tribe the desire to not humiliate other members of the tribe by showing them up for what they did not know.
Some students knew the answers to the questions, but in answering they would show up the ignorance of those who didn’t know, and in so doing would cause them to potentially be humiliated.
My point is, that in relationships, the reasons, and understanding the cause of the reason(s for why they are not working, can often point to the way to rectifying the problem, and that new understanding can change things around a whole 180 degrees.
You could try asking your question ~ ‘why should anyone NOT try to fix something that is obviously wrong!’
But then again, if the other person and the relationship ‘just doesn’t matter’ to the other person, then, what a bloody waste of everyones time.
Sash
If a Doctor was to say, ‘Why try to fix something that is obviously wrong?’ to a nurse about your broken leg………..
.
Marriage is an easy act if you think about it but in the marriage is hard because you will have bumbs in road, hills to climb, and bad weather. and getting through those obstacles only makes a relationship so much stronger and you appreciate the other person sticking by you when they could have coped out. But i notice today that people mistake lust for love and thats where a marriage is doomed! people think certain bad habits are cute but then the wind up be annoying, and find out alot about the other person and those skeltons in the closet which kinda seems to be final reason to end the relationship. so i think my best advice is that before you job into marriage you better make sure this is the person you want to grow old with and spend a majority of your time with or else you are going to be miserable
Because you said "I Do" ,that means you will….. What were the vows that you said? Your only supposed to be married once a lifetime. If it was so shitty from day one, do what Brittney did and get an annulment. People jump into marriage like they jump into the pool, that’s stupid. People get married for the wrong reasons everyday, and then divorce when they realize that it isn’t going to change, work out or get better. Try marriage counseling.