when does it stop hurting? how to get through a divorce?
posted Tuesday,
6:03 am
Just found out my husband was cheating on me and I’m pregnant with our second child. I’m planning on divorcing him after I give birth but I’m wondering if anyone else has been in this position and how do I move on with my life, can things get better for me?
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Filed under: Divorce
If I had not been in your position, I would never be responding. I was 5 months pregnant with my second child. No man DESERVES a SECOND CHANCE. Although your children do. I gave my children the second chance. I was clear with my husband that this would be his first and only chance to regain his life, otherwise (I threaten) another man would slip into his place to raise his children and would eventually be erased because children easily adapt and survive and admire men that THEY LIVE WITH. I had my husband answer me as to what his plans were….and he couldn’t be sure. So I said " from this day forward I AM DONE WITH YOU, all of the work to keep this relationship is up to you." I packed up and went to a friends for a week….and as they say the rest is history. My husband is a wonderful husband and father, and I don’t regret giving my kids a better chance in life. Our faith ultimately mended our wounds
Make sure get hard proof of him cheating. Then file fpor divorce with him being liable for it.
Are you really feel hurt for a cheater? Move on, you’ve got kids and plenty of decent guys out there.
just make sure do not screw up once you marry a guy who is honest.
A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now your relationship is suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it’s own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.
When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren’t ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.
Get Counseling: You need to try all resources available to save your marriage. However it sounds as tho you have made up your mind. It will be difficult but not impossible to raise two children by yourself. Wish you all the luck.
You must recognize that whenever you lose a partner, even though it is through a divorce initiated by you, you will go through a process of grieving, just the same as if he had died. You will grieve the loss of all your dreams and hopes for the future, the father your children will never grow up with, You will grieve the loss of the person you used to be before all this happened. Next to death, it is the most traumatic event a person can experience. Yes, the hurt will be tremendous.
But there is hope. Since you are young enough to have a child, you are young enough to find a new and true relationship. But don’t look for it too soon. Allow yourself time to heal from the past. Talk to other divorced people about how they coped and stick with the ones who have found what you want. They can tell you how they found it.
But don’t, whatever you do, get into a new relationship while you are still grieving the old one. Nothing will kill a new relationship quicker than the ghost of your old marriage still in your life. Then you get a double dose of hurt. When you can look at your ex and have no more feelings for him, either positive or negative, than if he were a stranger, then you are ready to move on.
Take care of yourself and your needs and be supportive and understanding of your children. They grieve the loss of their father from their lives too, even when they’re very young.
Sadly, far too many people have found themselves in this position. You may want to check with local churches about support groups for people going through divorce. Hearing similar stories from others will help you understand that you aren’t alone.
Of course things will get better. I hope you have solid family or friends that you can move by so that they can help with the children. You will need the ambition and drive to go back to work full time and earn as much money as possible to provide for your children. The more you make of yourself to this regard, the more you will bring to the table and the more likely you are to meet a man with a lot more to offer than what you have now. Try not to paint all men with a broad brush. Not all of them do what your husband has done. Things will get better.