what are ways i can try and save my marriage?
posted Tuesday,
7:58 pm
my husband and are have been married for nearly 14`years, we have had a great relationship but for the last couple of years its been on a huge downhill.we fight on a daily basis, there is no more lust, he lies to me constantly.believe it or not i want this marriage to last.we have two beautiful kids.
any advice is appreciated, please dont tell us to go to counselling as, he will not, he doesnt see that he has problems…lol
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Filed under: Marriage
ouch, if he doesn’t realize their are problems, there isn’t much chance of changing the situation, unless you want to give up and do everything his way.
and don’t sound like your that crazy.
so i would keep it positive, tell him how much he and the kids mean to you, that you hate fighting infront of the kids, and wish you guys could find new ways of communicating.
or if he has a friend or family member that he listens to, you could have a word with them. sometimes they need to hear it from someone else!
good luck
go to counseling
or get a divorce
I believe that you should just get the strength to just leave!! If someone is treating you badly.. or you both or one of you have fallen out of love.. there is no point on holding on to something that is not there.
x
Good luck!
Your marriage is over … no sex no concern …no communication and definitely dysfunctional … Go ahead with the divorce . Its over sorry to say.
If he does not want counselling , how can we help
I know this sounds upfront and rude…but are you putting out??? Most men at his age ( i’m assuming he’s around 40) go through a mid life crisis…They cant handle the fact they are getting older..and arent as hot as they used to be…only you know what you can do…tallk to your priest if he doesnt want to go to counseling..Best of Luck
Hi – you cannot save your marriage all on your own, that just wont work. It has to take the two of you to want to do it. He must be made aware that if he doesn’t put effort in as well as you then everything you have together will be lost, and the children will suffer.
Get him to talk to you seriously and promise each other to re-new your commitment in creating a happy marriage and family.
One person in a marriage trying to fix problems is very similar to one hand clapping–it doesn’t work. I urge you to get counseling because you’ll need it to help stop your part of the dysfunctional behavior.
Personally, I think you need to give him a "wake up call" Tell him if things doesnt change, you will take the kids and leave. If push comes to shove, so to speak, actually call about an apartment and go look at it. Make him believe that you mean business.
It does obviously take 2 to make a marriage work, so you cannot make him change if he doesnt want to.
You can’t save something you already destroyed. I don’t know why people don’t understand this. Counselors don’t help either. Welcome to marriage hell and reality. Once you both said "I do" your loving relationship was over. Some people realize this in weeks and get divorced other people lie to themselves for years!!! You know the married couples I’m talking about that say they are so happy and in love and divorced soon after LOL Well you just realized that it is over. Marriage destroys even soul mates. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know are any of them still truly in love?!? You don’t have to answer we all already know the answer.
hi its so strange coz i seem to be having the same problem… im married for 12yrs now wit 2 boys and especially this yr its really been downhill.. he doesnt wanna talk neither does he think there is a problem..i also wanna keep this marriage .. have no solution but i just tot i shared this with u just to let u know u r not alone… i really hope things turn out for the both of us… take care alright and dont lose faith in the marriage..
You can go see a counselor yourself, but you cannot force him to go. It might help you understand him better, even if he doesn’t come. You did not say directly, but do you fear he is cheating on you?
Daily fights are wearing on the soul. You did not say what they are about, and it’s not really important that I know. Can you avoid fighting and maintain your self respect?
stop fighting – it takes two to fight
Well obviously he doesn’t think he has a problem, that’s why he says he won’t go to counseling, but people who say that there’s nothing wrong and start getting defensive about counseling are the prime candidates for counseling.
You and your husband NEED to go to marriage counseling.
Because you have some conflicts and issues that NEED to be resolved, and a marriage counselor can give you both some healthy ideas about conflict resolution.
Honestly I think that for the sake of your marriage, you and your husband need to sit down and talk, not fight, but talk.
I think if you want to save your marriage, you need to keep the lines of communication open, and fighting is NOT communicating because when your arguing, neither of you is listening.
Hmm.. I still wonder why would your husband lie to you? Well, here’s a piece of advice: Whenever he tries to argue with you about something, maybe you ought to stay calm and talk it out nicely. If that doesn’t work, just say the reasons firmly, but not harshly. BUT if that doesn’t work too, maybe you should write a letter and put it up on the fridge or anywhere he can see it. That letter must include like.."I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done". Maybe you can include in the letter that you love him and you can’t live without him. Lastly, you can also include in that the kids wouldn’t want to grow up without a dad and that they needed him through their growing years. Let’s just hope he can see the letter. Hope this works.
talk to him. communication is still the best remedy. if you cant get answers from him then better have a second option. maybe he has problems in terms of sex. also, some stressful situations like at work affects personal life and relationships. maybe he has other problems and as a wife, i think you better take care of him and talk to him heart to heart
cheating ither he want s to change or move on
The entire problem in the world is because we are not honest and we don’t openly discuss things that are our natural needs. You need to find out (by asking him) why he lies, why he does not have lust. He may have lost the interest in you either because there is some other selfish women behind her back or he himslef is a selfish guy. If he lies for sex ask him to bring it to home and do it in front of you and say I would not mind. Make him comfortable enough that what he could do in your absense could gather courage to do in your presence. Try to be his best friend by becoming honest and start sharing all your thoughts with him honestly and passionately. Instead of becoming a wife try to become his best friend (and encourage him to do so) where he could share anything and everything. Request him to look at his life from your point of view and you try to look yours from his point of view. In my opinion, women is the most strongest in will power and caring and hence a complete entity in itself. You don’t need anybody to make you happy, in fact other should need you to make his life happy. What you do not get in husband try to find out in kids even if it comes down to sex. There is no sin worse than unhappiness. You just need to find the happines in right way without making anyone(involved in the process) unhappy. What you see lacking in you and your husband should not be pased on to your kids. This is the age of sacrifice where we may to have to sacrfice our life to bring the kids in right way so that they are never unhappy and don’t see the problems that we see. So please be honest to your feelings and human nature and honestly discuss with your kids and try to involve your husband. If you and your kids start doing right things he will be pressurized to follow you. Teach every one to be honest and open and share their feelings without any fear. To leave a healthy life what we need is food and happiness without making anyone unhappy. Defintely teach your kids how to be happy (or find happiness) from what you have learnt from your experience.
Lets see: you guys fight and argue daily, he lies to you, there is no lust, and you want your marriage to work? What marriage? Look in the dictionary for the word "marriage" and read it until you really know what it means. WAKE UP…….He is no good and you two are not good for one another and won’t ever be again without a miracle. Do you even pray to God about this problem? It is a problem that will not go away. Do you want it to work for the wrong reason? Like maybe for his money or for the kids? Something along those lines? That is not good enough. Maybe you like misery. Your marriage is all but gone. Sorry, but that is the way I see it. I cannot candy coat it for you.
it might be the right time to kick em to the curb, i think.