stop a divorce?
I was served divorce papers from hubby earlier this week. The weird thing is hubby and I talked and we were going to put our life back together and eventually have our life the way it was. I got my MIL and FIL to go to the house and get more of my clothes. I went to speak with hubby I told him that I wasn’t preggers bc the DR had done blood work. We did more talking and he said he loved me and would think on the things we discussed. My mom went to visit the girls today and when she got back she told me that he and her talked and he’s gonna want to see the divorce to the end. To set up the story we had brung a 3rd party into the bedroom to llive out a fantasy. But bc the condom broke we all thought I was preggers so my hubby filed for divorce. I have called everything off with the other person. I’m not the type of gal that believes in divorce. I don’t want the divorce and want to know of ways to save the marriage. One reason is bc of the kids we have together…..
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Filed under: Divorce
Hi there !!!
Wow what a life experience girl !!!! I will not judge you, but what were you guys thinking? Why would he want to divorce you if he was in on this fantasy game ?
You should learn from this though, honey marriage is all about commitment and fidelity, yes I know it was a fantasy, but if you do not respect yourself, and he does not respect you, then your relationship will not last.
You say you spoke to him and things were going to be fine, why this sudden change of heart?
How long have you been married? how old are your kids?
I would not stay with someone just for the childrens sake alone, no way, that is cruel to them, they are very smart and they can sense when things are not going well.
I would have another heartfelt conversation with the husband, and ask him why is this happening?
You should take a good look at your life now though,
why would you allow yourself to go through an experience like that ?
Don’t you respect your body, your soul ?
Honey these fantasies we have are sometimes very dangerous.
You guys could maybe try other things that do not involve third parties., that causes to many problems, not to mention it is morally incorrect.
I am no one to judge, I know each person has their own likes and dislike, it is just that you would not be in this situation if you and your hubby did not partake in that fantasy, you should let him know that you did not do that alone, he was involved as well.
May you find a solution to this life experience
love light and peace
Kill all who are involved…
well, thats what you get for bringing anther man into your marriage for your sexual enjoyment..
One man should be enough to satisfy you, this is the whole reason couples get married..
I have no idea how to save this situation..
you play, you pay..Sorry for being truthful…
wow….what were you thinking….bringing someone into your bedroom is never a good idea…did you really think he would be ok with another man inside his wife…..I’m not sure that he will get over it…I know that my husband wouldn’t…good luck
Hope you learned your lesson.
if it’s worth it ask him what is needing in the realtionship
yada yada yad…the only way divorce proceedings can be stopped at this point is if your husband goes to court and resinds the orders. If he doesn’t do that and you don’t answer the service (divorce papers) he will automatically get a default judgment of divorce and your marriage will be over at that point.
you have already ruined your marriage, the next step is a divorce
get divorce and get remarried with a nicer husband
It’s great that hubby has forgiven you and both of you are going to try to make it work.
Inform both attorneys of your decisions, smile and move on with your lives…
you should never bring someone else into the bedroom. Never. He’s probably hurt by this even though he was there and said he wanted it at the time. Its still like cheating. You need to try and talk to him yourself not send your mother there. Trust is going to be a big issue for you 2 now. Good Luck
should of thought about the kids before bringing in a 3rd party. What’s wrong with you.
If he wants the divorce still, there isn’t anything you can do. I do believe all states follow the No Fault divorce.
Well, if you didn’t want a divorce then you should have thought out the threesome thing before. Sounds like you need to be single and figure out what being a grown up is really all about before entering into any more relationships. It wouldn’t hurt to get counseling either.
bringing a third party in upset the balance of things. it sounds like your husband just can’t feel right about that part of it. it would be hard to erase that memory and if he feels shame from it, it will probably continue. people usually want to distance themselves from anything that makes them feel shameful. Even though he was consenting to this, I think that is where the break up started.
I don’t have any answers for you on how to change his mind. Perhaps you could remind him that he agreed to this and that both of you equally share the responsibility for it. You could also tell him you learned a valuable lesson and hope he has too and that all you want now is a normal life and to have your family back. See if you can forgive each other and have a fresh start.
good luck!
If you want to stop a divorce, all you should have to do is to tell your lawyers. They will take care of it. If you filed on your own, (no lawyers), call the county clerk in the county you filed in and ask them. they should be able to tell you. Good luck in all of it!
I need you to clarify you are getting divorced because you had sex with a trio or whatever they call it the condom broke and your husband thought you are pregnant? You dont divorce for that!! Did you cheat on him? be honest!! You can always take a morning after pill!!
you and he need to discuss things without interference from others. It might help if you saw a counselor who can be objective about your situation. the sad thing is that if he really wants to end the marriage you cant stop him. he would only make things impossible to deal with to get his way. if counseling or discussion wont help you need to deal with the idea that its over. and make plans for life beyond this marriage. good luck
Sounds a bit too complex for this forum, but I’ll try. From what I can infer, the sexual experiment went awry and now hubby is hurt, zooming a break-up into fast forward because of some kind of need he has to have a reason to run, when really he’s probably just scared, emotionally so scared that he cannot deal with you. Your only hope is to get him to talk about how emotionally wrong it was for you two to embark on that sexual fantasy without fully preparing yourselves emotionally. Now, if your marriage was a mess, and the sex experiment was a last ditch effort to save it, then just get the divorce.
The only thing you can do is pray…..Father I lift up Alexisis 101, and ask that you would change her husband’s heart to prevent this divorce from happening…..in Jesus mighty name….amen
I hope your husband will go to counseling with you. Sorry. It does sound as though he wants a divorce and has found a convenient excuse. For the kids, I hope the marriage can be saved.
Ugh. I’m sorry to hear about this. From what you’ve written, it sounds like he’s having a hard time dealing with the third-person in the bedroom thing. I think the breaking condom served as a sort of reality check for him, and the thought of you being pregnant with another man’s child really got to him. Whose idea was the third party? Because, if the info you included is the impetus for the divorce papers, you’d really better try to talk to him yourself, instead of your MIL, FIL, and mother serving as go-betweens. I don’t mean that rudely, but you’d really be serving the marriage best if you could talk to him yourself.
Hopefully, he’ll be able to talk a bit about why he’s doing what he’s doing. And if he presents his position, you present yours, and you both still cannot come to a compromise or some shared ground to try to save the marriage, then I suppose it will have happen. And the kids will adjust, and you’ll adjust, and it will be ok.
That’s a tough one. I don’t know of any straight man that wants to have another man there to sleep with his wife. SO…. this had to be for you and not him. Look at it this way, you wanted someone new to handle what your husband that you say you love, to do what he should be knocking out. You might have hurt is "manhood" or self-esteem on this one. If his feelings are hurt, then there might not be a cure for this. You should see about talking to a counsler or a close friend that you both trust. You two made a vow to each other to love and respect, forever. Some things can mess that up and I think that group sex might be one of those topics. Good luck.
Tough question. Best advice I can give is wait until things cool down a little. Most divorces have a cooling off period of approximately 90 days before they proceed. Use that time to try and heal all ills. He is proably pretty mad right now and things are still fresh in his head. Best thing you can do is reassure him that he is the one you want to be with. Don’t let the prospect of divorce scare you it is usually reverseable right up until the very end. Just a side-it was his fantasy too (the whole 3rd party thing). He shouldn’t be so mad. Keep working on him in little doses,it will all work out. Good Luck!
You can’t stop a divorce, its like trying to stop a freight train.
What you can do is try to do is slow it down and maybe, just maybe it’ll stop.
Have you been to marriage counseling? If both of you, BOTH, want to try and work through this then a professional can definetly help you.
You problems have probably been creeping up on you for awhile..especially since you felt the need to bring in a 3rd party to spice things up. I’ll just say it will take a long time to work this out if your both committed to going through with it.
Just seek some good counselling, either through your church or look in the phone book or online for some more options.
Usually I’d say stay till the kids are 18.Since your having sex with a third party I’d say find someone to adopt them.I think it’s funny that you hate divorce but it’s OK to have sex with other partners than your husband.Your not doing your kids a favor by bringing other sex partners into the house.Kids usually imitate their parents.Sorry if you think I’m judgmental but I care about your kids and how they will grow up.
What the fuck? You have a three way and expect everything to stay exactly the same? That’s your husband’s and your own fault for not thinking things through, but let me guess, that was your fantasy? There’s a difference between fantasy and reality! On top of things you have kids together, that’s just sad…
Whoa. First problem: bringing someone else into the relationship to fulfill a "fantasy". Not so good. I will say this: he was part of that decision.That being the case, why the hell are YOU the one out of the house? Why does he suddenly get to be the bloody magical end all to the decision???
Communication was obviously missing from the beginning. I’m assuming that you’re Brit and I know very little about an MIL or an FIL, but I will say that in the US we have laws keeping men from treating women like used up shite.
If you two cannot talk out your differences in counseling of some sort, you might want to consider taking him to the cleaners. Lie if you have to and tell the judge he forced you to take part in something you didn’t want to sexually. Life’s a b*tch and right now I would love to kick his a*s.
I doubt that he will take you back.
but to start, you should tell him that you felt horrible about having such a fantasy and that all of this has taught you that you are the only man for him.
men have tiny egos and cannot deal with another man pleasuring their woman.
I think we went along with it to please you but had nightmares about it ever since.
He probably thought he could deal with it but couldnt.
I dont blame him, This story is nothing new
one party agrees to something that they dont really feel passionate about because they dont want to lose the other person.
Too bad he was not honest with you and could not have told you what his fears were.
I think his thought process was perfectly rational…if it were a 3 some with another woman and you thought she was pregnant wouldnt you think that that would be a bit tooo much to have to deal with.
I bet he had nightmares every night.
I know i would
That was your first and biggest mistake…to let a 3rd person into the bedroom. Was it your idea or his? From what I gather, he thinks that the baby is this other persons. You need to get a paternity test when the child is born.
You can’t force someone to stay with you and NEVER stay together because of the kids. It’s not fair to them. He is really confused and hurt. Even if the divorce goes through, doesn’t mean that you can’t work things out in the future when things clam down.
However, I was wondering about your morals….you say that you don’t believe in divorce, but you engaged in adultery…even if he approved of it at first, it’s still adultery.
Wow. Well, its not all your fault–its both. Talk to him and see where he stands. Honestly, I don’t know your situation—as in, who initiated this fantasy…who asked the 3rd party to get involved, and how long this fantasy was contemplated and discussed before hand (ie., how much persuasion did this take and who was trying to persuade). If he was the initiator and persuader…and then he filed for divorce? He was looking to get divorced. I would counter sue and take full custody of the children.
sounds like you need to have only 1 man in bed with you unless it is your son.Why would a married woman want more than one man at a time in bed with her and how a man your husband stand for it.I think you both have problems you cant spell and he cant satisfy you if he could you would not want another man.Move on let him move on it will be better then you can do what you want.
You’re not the type that believes in divorce but you are the type that believes in threesomes? Maybe so.
If he’s determined to get a divorce you can’t stop it. Generally speaking, when a couple brings a 3rd party into the bedroom, it does affect the relationship, and sometimes destroys it, because MOST people cannot handle it (even if they thought they could). Next time you might want to think twice about living out that fantasy.