Comments on: My parents are getting so close to getting a divorce because my dad keeps bailing before family vacation.Help? http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518 Save A Marriage Tips Fri, 02 Mar 2012 18:54:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Dee http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518/comment-page-1#comment-4513 Dee Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:19:30 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518#comment-4513 I suggest that you write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Take lots of pictures of you guys having fun on vacation without him. Maybe he doesn't feel valued. Maybe he feels like he isn't needed. If you let him know how much he is needed, maybe he'd start to feel like joining in. This isn't your fault. Sometimes people just grow apart and it has nothing to do with the children. My parents are divorced and I am a mom now. So, I know how hard this is for you. But, just try doing nice things for him. Notes, make him a CD, take pictures to show him. Show him that you love him and that you miss him when he's not around. It may not work, but at least you'll feel better knowing that you are trying something. And, at least you're dad will know that you love him. I suggest that you write him a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Take lots of pictures of you guys having fun on vacation without him. Maybe he doesn’t feel valued. Maybe he feels like he isn’t needed. If you let him know how much he is needed, maybe he’d start to feel like joining in. This isn’t your fault. Sometimes people just grow apart and it has nothing to do with the children. My parents are divorced and I am a mom now. So, I know how hard this is for you. But, just try doing nice things for him. Notes, make him a CD, take pictures to show him. Show him that you love him and that you miss him when he’s not around. It may not work, but at least you’ll feel better knowing that you are trying something. And, at least you’re dad will know that you love him.

]]> By: bunny http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518/comment-page-1#comment-4514 bunny Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:19:30 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518#comment-4514 Well Aaron, more often than not, kids can't help what's going on with Mom or Dad/or between them...It isn't clear here, what the problem is...is he a workaholic? -Or, is he distancing himself from your mother for a reason? (and maybe vice versa?) Do you REALLY know? Vacations aren't about the money dear, it's about being with family, taking a real break each year, if not more frequently, to BE with family. I can't say why your father is doing this, it does seem selfish, though the economy is rotten and MANY are actually afraid of losing their jobs IF they don't work when asked...work more. You seem to indicate they are headed from divorce, presumably from what your mother expresses to you kids...this is unfortuante, as she should work it out with your Dad and not burden her children. I think Aaron, were I you? I would corner my father at the right moment, alone and say, "Dad, I'm really bummed you aren't coming on vacation...can you explain to me why? -Because I sense there is more going on with you then you are telling and I want to help..." That is from the heart dear, I don't know that he could refuse an worthy/accurate answer. My heart is heavy for you watching this unfold, but be proactive and give your Dad an opportunity to explain to you, as a man, in private, okay? It might help him to express how he's feeling as much as for you to hear it. One thing I'm pretty sure of as I write this...your parents love you kids - and believe me, when all is "said and done" this is what matters most...They will have to follow their path, whether they are meant to continue as a couple or not - but love them each, for the person they are to you, okay? Goodluck honey...I'll be thinking of you...and all the other kids out there that struggle with the deepest fear of parents not getting along. God Bless... Grace Well Aaron, more often than not, kids can’t help what’s going on with Mom or Dad/or between them…It isn’t clear here, what the problem is…is he a workaholic? -Or, is he distancing himself from your mother for a reason? (and maybe vice versa?) Do you REALLY know? Vacations aren’t about the money dear, it’s about being with family, taking a real break each year, if not more frequently, to BE with family. I can’t say why your father is doing this, it does seem selfish, though the economy is rotten and MANY are actually afraid of losing their jobs IF they don’t work when asked…work more. You seem to indicate they are headed from divorce, presumably from what your mother expresses to you kids…this is unfortuante, as she should work it out with your Dad and not burden her children. I think Aaron, were I you? I would corner my father at the right moment, alone and say, "Dad, I’m really bummed you aren’t coming on vacation…can you explain to me why? -Because I sense there is more going on with you then you are telling and I want to help…" That is from the heart dear, I don’t know that he could refuse an worthy/accurate answer.

My heart is heavy for you watching this unfold, but be proactive and give your Dad an opportunity to explain to you, as a man, in private, okay? It might help him to express how he’s feeling as much as for you to hear it. One thing I’m pretty sure of as I write this…your parents love you kids – and believe me, when all is "said and done" this is what matters most…They will have to follow their path, whether they are meant to continue as a couple or not – but love them each, for the person they are to you, okay? Goodluck honey…I’ll be thinking of you…and all the other kids out there that struggle with the deepest fear of parents not getting along. God Bless…

Grace

]]> By: no1advice http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518/comment-page-1#comment-4515 no1advice Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:19:30 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518#comment-4515 Aaron the President of the US doesn't work that much. I think there is more than "vacation" time here that is at stake. I think Dad has another life going on and this is what is pissing mom off. Aaron the President of the US doesn’t work that much. I think there is more than "vacation" time here that is at stake. I think Dad has another life going on and this is what is pissing mom off.

]]> By: Betty M http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518/comment-page-1#comment-4516 Betty M Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:19:30 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/my-parents-are-getting-so-close-to-getting-a-divorce-because-my-dad-keeps-bailing-before-family-vacation-help/518#comment-4516 You can't stop your parents from getting a divorce. Your parents have to work out their marital problems between themselves. What you can do is go to your dad and tell him you appreciate how hard he works for a living, but no amount of money can ever take the place of him. You need your dad and you need to spend quality time with him. You aren't going to be a kid forever and some day you will be a man with a life of your own. Tell your dad he's running out of time and you don't want to miss out on having your dad in your life when you're a child. No one should ever work 17 1/2 hours a day. That's a heart attack waiting to happen. You can’t stop your parents from getting a divorce. Your parents have to work out their marital problems between themselves.

What you can do is go to your dad and tell him you appreciate how hard he works for a living, but no amount of money can ever take the place of him. You need your dad and you need to spend quality time with him. You aren’t going to be a kid forever and some day you will be a man with a life of your own. Tell your dad he’s running out of time and you don’t want to miss out on having your dad in your life when you’re a child.

No one should ever work 17 1/2 hours a day. That’s a heart attack waiting to happen.

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