My husband had affair for 2yrs BUT, now wants to save marriage. Should I “demand” PROOF the affair is over?
posted Wednesday,
6:21 pm
Do you think this is the least he could do to reassure me he isn’t still with this woman that made my life hell? In fact, He didn’t actually say it was over he just said "he wanted us to save our marriage"
Are there any tough questions for me to ask him? Obviously, he will lie so should I contact "this woman" to see if he really ended it? Or will she just lie as well? How would I now for a fact and what is proof that it’s over between them?
I don’t want to waist anymore of my life.
I want to work it out for our kids but, my heart tells me I need to "Be Sure" He was with HER for 2 yrs of our marriage!
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Filed under: Marriage
Your last sentence to the question should seal the deal.
Divorce the man.
A lot of factors play into this ‘save the marriage’ speech.
He cheated on you for 2 years and did you find this out just recently? Let’s say he wants to save the marriage. Is it worth the mental torture to wonder where he’s at, what he’s doing, is he really where he says he is, is he really working late, is he at her house? Believe me you may want to save this marriage as well but the after effects of infidelity lingers on. Once trust is broken, it is near to impossible to fix.
Let’s say he’s legit about wanting to stop this affair and work on the marriage. You want proof that the affair has ended, so you call the other woman. What if she lies and says she still sees him? Some women are like that. They are scandolous that way. Who do you believe?
He did this to you for 2 years. I suggest you pick up what dignity he has left you (if any) and gather up your self respect and get out of this marriage. You deserve better than what he is giving you. Hold your head up high and know that he lost a good thing.
DON’T WASTE ANYMORE OF YOUR LIFE!
then don’t waste your life leave him and end it. you never know if he’ll do it again. once a cheater always a cheater.
you mean you don’t want to waste your life….anyway, i would ask him him directly and you could get a feel if he is being Honest…i wouldn’t demand proof, but i certainly would keep my eyes open…
Sounds like all the trust is gone. Make sure you want to save the marriage – not just because he does. (If the affair lasted 2 yrs. – I would not be trusting either)
There’s no way to prove it. You could ask him to account for every bit of the time he’s away from home … keep tabs on him. But that won’t work anyway. If you want to give it another chance you’re going to have to try to trust him again.
ya. once a cheater always a cheater.
that’s kind of pathetic….."you better show me you aren’t shoving ur bone in that woman anymore or we are so through…"
get some balls lady
Either she dumped him, or this is a new tactic to get you to believe him. Don’t fall for it.
2 years???? Good God. This man led a double life for 2 years and suddenly he’s sorry and wants to work things out? I doubt it. How can you demand proof? He’s obviously good at hiding things. Do yourself and your kids a favor and divorce him.
Sadly, there is no definitive proof that he could provide you, with the exception of showing you her dead body. This is where the trust factor of rebuilding a shattered marriage comes into play.
Good luck.
Well honey, I guess you need to ask your self can you get over it. If you really can’t you should move on. In fact, a 2 year relationship with some else is a big deal. I think I would just move on. I’m sorry I am usually the one to say stay and work it out. But 2 years is a long time. A little late to say I want to work it out. I think I would move on, and find someone who wants to love you. Who will cherish each moment with you. Who you don’t have to wonder about. How great would that be? Don’t let some one dictate you. You are important your feelings are important, and you deserve some one that can see that.
"With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
wow. I would’ve thrown him out the second I found out he was cheating. I know you wanna save the marriage for your kids, but what kind of example is this man setting? there’s nothing wrong w/ getting rid of him & letting him have visitation or anything, I mean come on. 2yrs? hell no
wow, I would let him go for the sake of your sanity. You deserve better
Hon, is any proof going to be good enough?? Like someone else said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Its so hard to build any trust back. Make sure it isnt one sided if you decide to go that way, and always please keep your guard up.. But if your dong that, your not trusting anyway…. Might also want to get his butt checked for STD’s. You dont need that aspect also. You have enuf to work on..
I can’t imagine what you went through for 2yrs. That’s a bit much! If what he says doesn’t feel real then chances are it isn’t. The intimacy of your marriage will never be the same. I wouldn’t trust him so I’d divorce him.
If he cheated once…he will cheat again. I think you should leave him because in the long run that will be the best for the kids. They don’t need to see ya’ll fighting and arguing about another woman and I believe a relationship should be based on trust and if you can’t trust him then it isn’t worth staying in…
I’m not sure what kind of proof you are looking for. If you can’t trust him not to lie to you, you won’t be happy with him.
So you think your kids are better off having 2 parents who are together, but the father is a dirty cheat and the mother is his doormat?
Set an example for your kids, and respect yourself!
PS. The woman didn’t make your life hell – your husband did.
And if you can’t trust that he will tell the truth, why are you still with him?
I know you don’t want to believe it but I think he will do it again. He may stop for a while but it will happen again. I was the OW and didn’t know he was married. When his wife found of he cut off all contact. Well now after 7 months, he is calling, stalking, and won’t leave me alone. I would never be with him again.
I think next time he will be very careful in not getting caught. Good luck!
Do not waste your time….
Start a new life with your kids, be happy, enjoy the world, raise them with your example of integrity.
If you have a daughter think of the message you would send her by accepting him back….that cheating is not that bad….
No never work it out for the kids. The kids would be better off to have a mother who is happy and a father who isnt cheating on their mom! Dont go back to him. 2 years is a LONG time to be cheating. It wasnt a one time thing it lasted for 2 years!
The ONLY way a couple can get back together after an affair is if they both enter couples counseling and he vows the affair is over. Also figure out what you really want from him and he has to do it. If you really would feel better if he called u 5 times in a day, for example then he HAS to do it.
Personally, if I already had solid proof there was an affair, game over! But if you foolishly insist on staying in the marriage, then by all means be prepared for more hell. Look him straight in the eye & ask him if he is truly no longer in contact with her or any other woman. Demand 100% disclosure so you know what kind of person you are dealing with. Tell him the first time you catch him in a lie, he’s gone. Hire a PI, install a key logger, try to find out if he has any of those Social accts (MySpace, Facebook, reunion.com, install a hidden auto tracker, hidden cameras, get detailed cell phone logs, demand all passwords & tell him if you find out he has any hidden email accts or secret cell phones, his a@@ is out. Just mean what you say, the second you back down, he will be certain you will put up with it again. If he balks at you "invasion of his privacy" tell him TFB, he lost his "rights" when he poked his d*ck in some strange p*ssy. Or worse.