I want to save my marriage. Is it wise of me to ignore the fact my husband still has a long term mistress?
posted Sunday,
12:54 pm
I don’t want to give my husband up so should I just act as if I don’t care about him having long term mistress? I still want my marriage to work. Its been over 2yrs since they’ve been together but, we have 15yrs and 4kids invested. Right now we are separated but, spend time with our children. I don’t have sex with him just starting over like friends.
When should I ask him to let her go – When he talk of reconcile?
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Filed under: Marriage
you should leave him permanently, how can you still want to be with someone after they’ve betrayed you so harshly? please have some self respect…
If he wants to get back together he should know that it has to be JUST you two, that you won’t put up with any of that shit anymore.
I would suggest seeing a marriage counsellor, a professional who is not emotionally invested in the relationship, to give advice.
marriage has MORE TO DO than just SEX.
what about his other responsibilities that he has fufilled?
sex isn’t everything. matter of fact, sex is over rated
You shouldn’t have to ask him.
LOL….I think you should find a guy on the side and then you’ll be even.
Seriously……I don’t know any woman in her right mind who would still be married with this situation going on.
The children will respect you more if you respect yourself.
since he’s had a two year relationship with this homewrecking btch i doubt he will get rid of her. your husband is selfish, he probably thinks it’s ok because your kids are almost grown.
well, if you want to save your marriage your just going to have to make room in it for her.
ask yourself if you can do that? can you stay married to a man and be happy while you share him in all ways financially, sexually, and emotionally with another woman?
if the answer is no, then leave him.
What marriage? You don’t seem to have one, actually. What you have is a disrespectful, scornful husband who has left you for another woman but apparently doesn’t want a divorce so he won’t have to give up his financial assets in a divorce settlement. Why do you want to live in this lala land of a pseudo marriage?
You shouldn’t put up with it. It is not fair for you, unless you are comfortable with an open relationship (A relationship that accepts having multiple men/women involved, at the mutual agreement of both parties) but from your words its clear you aren’t. It’s going to be hard either way, but ignoring it is going to build up a lot of pain and anger and it will eat you alive which isn’t healthy for your mentality. If you stand up for yourself one of two things can happen:
1. He will listen to you, and if he truly loves you he will understand and stop seeing his mistress.
2. He will not listen, and things will have to split apart.
I know it will be hard if the latter happens, but trust me, it won’t be as painful as ignoring it and penning up your emotions. You shouldn’t have to put up with his crap, if he truly loves you he will return to your side. A one sided marriage is not something any man or woman should have to put up with, if the love is true, both parties must be mutual.
This might sound harsh.. but the fact is that he doesnt care about the relation to be committed enough.. why do you want your marriage to work.. whats left in it.. after he has a affair outside
u are taking care of the kids, going through the emotional torture and even if he gets back, the cracks will still be there.. u may ignore, but it will always be inside you that he was unfaithful. believe me, you are better off without him..
Let me tell you one test… the hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do.. so now you can decide
If there is anything man do not like it is nagging and you probably do that a lot. Do not say anything a about his girlfriends it will just annoy him. That is what you do if you want you marriage to work
Do not allow your husband back into your life until you are positive his mistress is gone. You will only continue to hurt yourself if you allow him to feel he can have you and her.
Affairs are hard to deal with but if you are positive you can let him back into your life without holding his affair against him then you are a lot stronger than most women.
I know this sounds stupid but you CANT ask him to leave her. Guys don’t like feeling like they are doing something they didn’t think of. You have to get him to want to leave her.
Talk to him about your relationship and his feelings about the future and your marriage. You can tell him that you do care about him and that you wish you two could work out your relationship and stay married. Make it very clear though that you don’t stand for the fact that he is intimate with someone else and that as long as he is sexual and emotional with someone else, that you are going to keep your options open.
Don’t wait around for your husband to decide who he loves and wants to be with its too painful. Never ask questions you don’t really want the answers too, like never ask him if he loves her more than you. You need to push him as from from your life emotionally as you can, and start going out more- with your friends and on dates.
Before me and my husband were married we separated for a year and we became great friends. I never asked about the other girl he was seeing and I never answered his questions when he asked if I was seeing someone. The one day he asked if he could come over and I told him I had company and from that moment on his decision was made. He did’nt want to be second to anyone and he didn’t just want to be friends. This doesn’t always work at mending relationships but at least if your husband decides to stay with his mistress you’ve taken a step in the right direction.
I hope I was helpful.
Every life is different, and do not have your choices forced upon you by ideological notions about monogamy. You acted very maturely for the sake of your kids. He’s obviously a decent guy or you would not want to keep this going, plus a good father. You could have the current relationship continue for a time (perhaps even get some on the side yourself) till he’s ready to recommit. It can work. Good luck. By the way, if my wife had a lover, I would not do a knee-jerk divorce either just because some religious nutters believe one must. We have too much invested together, beyond the bed sheets.
If he wants to start over with you, then you both need to know in order for that to happen and in order for you to not get hurt, he needs to get rid of his so called "mistress" and it needs to be just you two. That is the most responsible thing to do especially since you have 4 children together.
He isn’t going to.
If I had to make a guess, I would say in a few years he will probably leave for good. Is he trying to hide assets?
The fact that you would even HAVE to ask him to ditch her suggests that the reconcile will go no where.