I have heard married men say that having an affair helped save the marriage, what do you think?
posted Monday,
12:56 pm
Do married women agree that when they had an affair it helped to save their marriage? Let me know. Please give respectful answers. Thank you.
Thanks everyone for your thoughtful contributions. "Sasha", it was between you and "Louise P", I liked how you acknowledged that we can turn our weaknesses into strengths, and also addressed the fallibility of human beings, thanks!
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Filed under: Marriage
I know first hand what happens to a marriage when the man has an affair. I found out 5 months ago that he cheated on me. It’s been difficult and crazy but it has been worth it. I have decided to forgive him and I’m glad I did. Before I found out we were like buddy’s raising two kids and going through the motions. Almost no intimacy between us. Now we have rediscovered each other.I have a new appreciation for my husband I never had before and we have both worked hard to make it work. If we had continued on the way we were I know we would have been divorced as soon as my son graduated.Lots and lots of people go through and make it better. It is the best thing that ever happened to us!! Unfortunately the pain sucks
I’ve never known that to be the case. In most instances I’ve seen an affair leads to a loss of trust and love in a relationship from which there is no saving.
I will do my best to be respectful, but your question in itself is a bit ridiculous. Think about it, if the only way you think you can save your marriage is to break the vows that you promised each other, then the marriage is doomed!
I have never had an affair but I don’t believe that an affair ever helps.
Once trust is gone,how can a relationship be better. With no trust??? I don’t buy it
I think the man who said that is full of pooh. Sex is pretty cool though.
If I found out my husband had an affair, I don’t know how I would react, but I assure you I wouldn’t be looking at the situation as my "savior." Everyone reacts differently in these situations. There is no "right" way to handle it therefor no one’s reaction can be "wrong." I would forgive my husband and move on but I doubt I’d be able to stay married to him because I couldn’t trust him anymore.
They’re fooling themselves.
It is a perfect formula to wreck the marriage.
Hmmm…thats odd cuz if my husband ever cheated on me I’d kill him. Haha….til death do us part right???
Having an affair may make someone really see or understand what they have within their spouse and can possibly make them appreciate their spouse and this act could strengthen the marriage BUT the reality is an affair has happened and I could/would NOT tolerate staying with someone who cheated on me for ANY reason or ANY after the fact excuse they have for doing so.
Forsake all others until death do us part.
Trust me…nothing good comes from an affair. Falling in love with the person you’re having an affair with is just as painful as losing trust from your spouse. Do not do it to yourself!
"Because of their Sins, the Lord has blinded their eyes to the simply truth." "They will call Wrong, Right and Right, Wrong".
Your question has depressed me.
infidelity breeds mistrust and second guessing for the remainder of your relationship…
it’s not just the fact that someone cheated. it’s all of the lies and deceit that go with it.
this is the person you are supposed to be closer to than anyone else on the whole planet! if you lie and cheat on them, then who would you ever be true to?
i would have to disagree with some of the answers. i had and affair and i realized i would rather be with my wife. she does not know i cheated but i helped me be a better husband because before i cheated i always wondered what it was like to be with other women. the sex was good but i never like these other girls. my wife was such a better woman then any of the girls i slept with. i realized that yes sex it good but having a friend and a life long partner is way better. i have not cheated since and i for some reason am not jealous anymore which my wife really appreciates. i am happy and in my marriage and i dont have to cheat anymore. i found my happiness with my wife after i cheated.
I have never had an affair, but I can tell you that if either my husband or I ever had an affair it would NOT save anything! It would most certainly be the end of our marriage. I really don’t understand how anyone can think that way!
I don’t think it would save a marriage No! Having an affair
won’t help anything but get you a divorce in the long run.
I wouldn’t have an affair thats for sure..Your welcome..
Total crap…just a way to justify what they’re doing….
Married male here.
ANY guy, or woman for that matter, that would say an affair "helped" a relationship or marriage is involved in an extremely unique relationship to put it nicely.
To put it more truthfully, the odds are very strong they were lying to justify their actions.
I know there are some simply wacky marriages and relationships out there, so I cannot discount it entirely. But it sure stretches the imigination and boogles the mind that such a thing would be true.
I cannot imagine that being dishonest in a marriage can be GOOD for it!
I have known people that claim it helped their relationship because when the truth came out, they rediscovered eachother…
It is just a shame that people cannot do this BEFORE they go bumpin uglies with someone else!
Breaking trust, vows, loyalty, etc, etc, never helps a marriage period. This isn’t rocket science. People who say it has are fools and not in touch with reality.
Oh no! Human reasoning’s have gone wacky! People say anything to validate wrong doing! That is hurtful to betray trust and honesty in a relationship. To have fidelity in a relationship is what having one is all about. The excitement can be kept in a relationship without involving a third or fourth party. That thinking is bass-ackward (you get my drift)!
When a man and woman get married they are not joined to three and four other people. That is not a marriage union. That is bigamy! So going outside of your relationship is infidelity! I wouldn’t consider sleeping/reuniting with my partner again after that. They would feel safe or okay to do it again to save our relationship again and again. That’s sick!
This can be true. And I stress "can" because normally it isn’t. I know a couple that the husband had an affair. After doing so, he realized what he was giving up. He told his wife about the affair, they went to counseling and after splitting for about 2-3 months, they got back together. Both say the marriage is better now then what it has been in years. Both seem happy and she truly seems to have forgiven him for it. Maybe it woke up both of them as to what they were going to lose in the long run.
I can understand it. You think the grass is greener. You think the other person is more fun or treats you better. Then if you cross the line you realize the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. It pushes you closer to your spouse. Whether it is because of guilt or appreciation.
My wifes affair helped save my marriage…because I then found someone who deserved me. And I couldn’t be happier!! And she helped the married guy she was with right out of his marriage too…and then he dumped her right after I left. So yea…worked for me and I’m happier than ever!!
When the man or the woman has had an affair it’s because something is missing in their relationship. They often don’t seek this out, it can just happen. And like it or not, both parties are responsible for this. Whether it’s lack of communication, neglect etc. I do know that a person can lose their way and find themselves in an affair and that it can help them appreciate what they had with their spouse – or to really understand what’s missing so they can work towards having their needs fulfilled within the marriage.
So yes, it is possible that an affair can help save the marriage. It does take forgiveness – if the other spouse finds out. If the spouse does not find out, then the one who has gone outside the marriage begins to put their energy back into what they have chosen, finally. Their marriage.
Well, there was this lady back in 2003 named Clara Harris who was cheated on and she ran over her husband a bunch of times in a Mercedes. One could argue cheating saved this marriage because it didn’t end in divorce.
That’s probably reaching though.
Bullcrap. They’re just thankful their sorry wives didn’t leave them. They’re just trying to justify their actions.
The salvation may come from a sexual freedom that may be discovered by having a different lover. Discover of new or different sexual techniques to bring home, perhaps to awaken the sexual element that was dormant in the marriage? (Who can say).
As a couple of others have said, it may be more of a barometer of what is lacking in the marriage or what has been taken for granted.
It’s another lame justification to fool around.
I think you should be able to save your marriage without cheating.