how to stop a divorce you dont want out of?
posted Wednesday,
1:38 am
neither of us have cheated. We have a 3 1/2 year old girl. She says she is miserable and unhappy! I pick our child up every day at 3:00 I bath her feed her and straiting the house and have supper ready. She works 4 tens so she is not off in time to do this. How can one be so miserable?
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Filed under: Divorce
It sounds to me as though the two of you have communication issues. If you don’t understand why she is unhappy, she either hasn’t told you in detail why this is the case – or she has and you are just not hearing her. If it is the latter, this would explain why she is unhappy. No woman wants a husband who is incapable of hearing her or supporting her.
You need to go to marriage counselling to fix this. In the meantime, you could tell her you intend to contest the divorce on the grounds that the two of you have not exhausted all possiblities in the work to repair your relationship. You could also try refuting her claims but if she has evidence, you won’t have a leg to stand on.
Go for couples counselling.
She could just be unhappy with life in general, but if someone doesn’t feel loved then they don’t feel loved. Love is very complicated as I’m sure you well know.
I’m assuming your wife wants a divorce. The first step is to talk to her. Maybe she’s miserable because she can’t be there for the child. Maybe she needs affection. Maybe you both need to learn how to fight fairly. (addressing the situation rather than attacking each other personally) Maybe it’s something else. I would find a pastor at a local church. (even if you don’t go to church) They will usually give you free marital counseling to help you two find the stress points in your marriage. The most common problem is money or lack of it. It may help to get some sound financial counseling as well. (some churches offer this for free too) Extreme debt can cause some major stress in a marriage no matter how much 2 people love each other. Hang in there and remain calm. Continue reaching out to her. Listen. Listen. Listen some more. Be willing to compromise. No harm can come by you two being honest and sensitive to what each other wants.
The easiest way, in my opinion, to stop a divorce is to be COMPLETELY agreeable, NO MATTER WHAT, to whatever she says. It diffuses her argument and allows her to REALLY SEE what it is that she wants.
By agreeing with her when she says "you’re an azzhole" or when she says "I want my freedom" or "I don’t LOVE you anymore" you are really allowing her to hear her own words. It has been my experience that you do not hear what you are saying if you have to defend your own position.
This may sound generic and religious but you need a miracle and the only one who could provide a supernatural healing is the Lord. My advice is for you to surrender it to God. Let go and let God. I am going through a similar situation. Pray without ceasing.
try to persuade her to go to couples counseling. Check out christianitytoday.com or marriagebuilders.com or themarriagebed.com all these have good insights and may have an answer to whatever is troubleing your marriage and start you in the right direction.
Good luck and God Bless!!
1st, make her favorite dinner in a clean, quiet part of the house or go to the park to picknick (feed her!) Get someone to sit for your daughter. Then really talk to your wife. Tell her all those beatiful things u used to, u know, woo her. Tell her ALL those things u said to get her in your arms. Be serious and mean it. Look her in the eyes. When u are finished ask her whats wrong? say "honey why are u so miserable? Tell me so i can help, we are in this together. i love you." U listen tentatively giving her your undevided attention. Dont answer anything until she has completely finished. Stay calm no matter what! no arguing or fighting cause it wont help. Be honest. good luck ok
Counseling. Stating that you are miserable needs an explanation. She may feel miserable, but there are a million and one things that she is unhappy about, and you – AND SHE – cannot even hope to fix the relationship if she can’t tell you what is wrong. You need to sit down and have an honest talk. Maybe she wants to be home with the baby more. Maybe she wants more affection. You will never know if she won’t tell and you don’t ask. Good Luck!