Comments on: How to save my marriage? http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241 Save A Marriage Tips Fri, 02 Mar 2012 18:54:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: SillyKimmie http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2604 SillyKimmie Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2604 A husband needs to feel appreciated, respected, needed, supported, encouraged, and needs affection from his wife. If he was like this before you two married, then you set yourself up for this and had it coming. People don't change after they get married, we expect them to, but they don't. People can change for the better if they really put their heart into it. There are things in the relationship that you are doing that is destructive. I suggest two books, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You'll be able to relate. You need to do some changing too. It's not just one person that needs to change. You have to want to change, you have to stick with it, and stick with it to make it a part of your daily life for good. Think about the things you are doing that's pushing your husband away. I hope you and him do some thinking... A husband needs to feel appreciated, respected, needed, supported, encouraged, and needs affection from his wife. If he was like this before you two married, then you set yourself up for this and had it coming. People don’t change after they get married, we expect them to, but they don’t. People can change for the better if they really put their heart into it. There are things in the relationship that you are doing that is destructive. I suggest two books, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You’ll be able to relate.
You need to do some changing too. It’s not just one person that needs to change. You have to want to change, you have to stick with it, and stick with it to make it a part of your daily life for good. Think about the things you are doing that’s pushing your husband away. I hope you and him do some thinking…

]]> By: boomboom http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2605 boomboom Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2605 Nothing we say here will help. You need to see a marriage counselor. Both of you have some communication issues that need to be addressed by a professional. I think that it is worth a try. Your mom sees you unhappy and she just wants to protect her daughter. But if you feel you want to save your marriage then you should give it a shot at therapy. Not all marriages begin great, but it does not mean if BOTH of you are willing to give it your all then it could end up great. If all else fails, then you can walk away knowing you did everything in your power to save it. Nothing we say here will help. You need to see a marriage counselor. Both of you have some communication issues that need to be addressed by a professional. I think that it is worth a try. Your mom sees you unhappy and she just wants to protect her daughter. But if you feel you want to save your marriage then you should give it a shot at therapy. Not all marriages begin great, but it does not mean if BOTH of you are willing to give it your all then it could end up great. If all else fails, then you can walk away knowing you did everything in your power to save it.

]]> By: sbratt2 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2606 sbratt2 Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2606 For better or worse, tell death do you part! Communicate, talk to him. Tell him everything, exactly how you feel (Right or Wrong, bad or good). Make him realize that Marriage is TEAM WORK, and if he wants his marriage as bad as you do he will do something about it. Sometimes, people's head get blown up, BUT! Some must pop it for them to send them back to reality... Marriage is a two way street, work together! For better or worse, tell death do you part! Communicate, talk to him.

Tell him everything, exactly how you feel (Right or Wrong, bad or good). Make him realize that Marriage is TEAM WORK, and if he wants his marriage as bad as you do he will do something about it. Sometimes, people’s head get blown up, BUT! Some must pop it for them to send them back to reality… Marriage is a two way street, work together!

]]> By: John K http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2607 John K Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2607 Your husband is likely an alcoholic who is simply abstaining from drinking. Abstention alone will not cause him to change his basic outlook on life and approach toward others. And, he will likely relapse with abstention alone. He should go into rehab where he will learn tools that will change his outlook on life and his way of relating to others. It will also greatly increase his chances of long term sobriety. You might consider going to AlAnon. Your husband is likely an alcoholic who is simply abstaining from drinking. Abstention alone will not cause him to change his basic outlook on life and approach toward others. And, he will likely relapse with abstention alone. He should go into rehab where he will learn tools that will change his outlook on life and his way of relating to others. It will also greatly increase his chances of long term sobriety. You might consider going to AlAnon.

]]> By: Janst http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2608 Janst Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2608 Both of you need professional Marriage counseling. If you want you marriage to work. It sounds as if their is a lot of hurt of both sides. A lot of baggage on both sides. If you truly want to save your marriage talk to a professional Both of you need professional Marriage counseling. If you want you marriage to work. It sounds as if their is a lot of hurt of both sides. A lot of baggage on both sides. If you truly want to save your marriage talk to a professional

]]> By: Mister Cool http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2609 Mister Cool Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2609 A marriage consists of two people, each only having control to the extent of themselves, and not over the other. A marriage can be saved only if both people respectively want that goal and work towards it. Try individual therapy first, get your own head together, chances are that each of you are trying to look to the other to fill an individual unfilled need which only the individual themselves can fulfill, and not any other person. A marriage consists of two people, each only having control to the extent of themselves, and not over the other. A marriage can be saved only if both people respectively want that goal and work towards it. Try individual therapy first, get your own head together, chances are that each of you are trying to look to the other to fill an individual unfilled need which only the individual themselves can fulfill, and not any other person.

]]> By: Lubz http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2610 Lubz Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2610 Sure looks like you are in a tight spot. But its nice to see that even though you are in such a situation, you are sticking by his side. That really shows you love him alot, no matter what happens. I am not married yet but from reading your problem, the advice i can give is to stay with you husband and try your best to solve your problem. As you said he has stopped drinking, you know that he can change. He has the ability in him to change. All he needs is motivation, support and push in the right direction. Ofcourse no one is perfect; everyone has their faults. World is not perfect. I suugest that if you have any pictures or any videos that shows the fun times you both shared, maybe you can bring them out and refresh his memories of how much you do love him; not hate him. Try to support him and encourage him and not blame him. Show him examples of what he is doing wrong, so that he can see it from his own eyes instead of thinking you are blaming him. Maybe i am going all over the place but i hope it helpes to save you marriage. I wish you all the very best. Sure looks like you are in a tight spot. But its nice to see that even though you are in such a situation, you are sticking by his side. That really shows you love him alot, no matter what happens. I am not married yet but from reading your problem, the advice i can give is to stay with you husband and try your best to solve your problem. As you said he has stopped drinking, you know that he can change. He has the ability in him to change. All he needs is motivation, support and push in the right direction. Ofcourse no one is perfect; everyone has their faults. World is not perfect. I suugest that if you have any pictures or any videos that shows the fun times you both shared, maybe you can bring them out and refresh his memories of how much you do love him; not hate him. Try to support him and encourage him and not blame him. Show him examples of what he is doing wrong, so that he can see it from his own eyes instead of thinking you are blaming him. Maybe i am going all over the place but i hope it helpes to save you marriage. I wish you all the very best.

]]> By: Add Man http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2611 Add Man Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2611 Being sober for a year really isn't all that long in the larger scheme of things. On the other hand be grateful for every single day he has been sober and pray for the days ahead when he still will be. As for the respect issue he has - you may want to examine the manner in which you are delivering your stuff to him. Often times, I have learned over the years that my wife's communication skills lack, say a gentle hand. And therefore I have often misinterpreted what she's actually telling me. I admire your commitment to working thing out so If I were you I'd explore seeing a third party to mediate with the both of. Maybe a family counselor of sorts could help. Good luck. Being sober for a year really isn’t all that long in the larger scheme of things. On the other hand be grateful for every single day he has been sober and pray for the days ahead when he still will be. As for the respect issue he has – you may want to examine the manner in which you are delivering your stuff to him. Often times, I have learned over the years that my wife’s communication skills lack, say a gentle hand. And therefore I have often misinterpreted what she’s actually telling me. I admire your commitment to working thing out so If I were you I’d explore seeing a third party to mediate with the both of. Maybe a family counselor of sorts could help. Good luck.

]]> By: Tasha http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2612 Tasha Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2612 The first thing you should know is that alcohol abuse does mess you up in the head and unless he had proper counceling his old tendencies will still be there. I know how you feel. Mine was the same but not abusive, but an addict. We've been together for 5 years and it's an uphill battle. The good times are few and short for that matter. But love keeps us together. Slowly things improve but don't expect them to get 100 percent better. You just get better at dealing with them. The first thing you should know is that alcohol abuse does mess you up in the head and unless he had proper counceling his old tendencies will still be there. I know how you feel. Mine was the same but not abusive, but an addict. We’ve been together for 5 years and it’s an uphill battle. The good times are few and short for that matter. But love keeps us together. Slowly things improve but don’t expect them to get 100 percent better. You just get better at dealing with them.

]]> By: Fast Steve http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/241/comment-page-1#comment-2613 Fast Steve Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:59:34 +0000 http://helpsaveamarriage.com/blog/how-to-save-my-marriage-3/#comment-2613 Of course he is going to think you hate him if you are not talking... You need to talk to him and love him where he is at... Seek counseling and help for you and this marriage or it will end up falling apart. You are not perfect and he is not either BUT you can only work on changing yourself to be the partner and wife you need to be for him. You have to treat and love him the way you would want him to treat and love you. Why in the world is he on the couch ? Did you kick him out of the bed? Of course he is going to think you hate him if you are not talking… You need to talk to him and love him where he is at… Seek counseling and help for you and this marriage or it will end up falling apart. You are not perfect and he is not either BUT you can only work on changing yourself to be the partner and wife you need to be for him. You have to treat and love him the way you would want him to treat and love you. Why in the world is he on the couch ? Did you kick him out of the bed?

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