how to save a marriage when things start going wrong?
posted Friday,
12:58 am
I want to know how to save a marriage when things start going wrong. The guide I found at http://www.helpsavemarriagenow.blogspot.com is good but I have not had a chance to read it yet. Has anyone in here come back from a broken marriage to make it whole again? Thanks
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Filed under: Marriage
Actually the best time to save a marriage is before it needs saving. Too many put all this work into creating an incredible friendship prior to marriage and then allow what they’ve built to crumble without the appropriate upkeep.
However, there’s great news. As long as their is still a twinkle in the eye, a fondly recalled memory and a desire to make things better, you will have great success in doing so. How do I know?
Besides nearly losing my marriage many years ago, I have since studied and become one of the most well respected marriage therapists in the Midwest. And, yes, today I live in an extraordinary marriage.
First, it takes work. I viewed two other answers both calling for better "communication." Here’s a vital factor to get yourself comfortable with. The research is clear, upon interviewing couples with extraordinary marriages, that only 31% of conflict is resolvable. So, be careful The goal around communication should first be to clarify if the issue is resolvable or not. Unresolvable issues include our personality, our core values and our world view.
The other mistake in recovering a lost marriage is to get into the really hard issues right off the bat. Bad move. Why? Because if you started a relationship/friendship bank account when you first started dating you put an awful lot of deposits in. When a marriage is in trouble they’ve usually lost their friendship and their relationship bank account has a zero balance.
The first, most important thing to do is begin rebuilding your friendship. Commit to date nights at least every other week. Buy a fun couples book of quesitons. One of my favorites is called "Intellectual Foreplay." You’re likely full of recent negative memories. Intentionally make your mind reminisce about the good times. Focus on what’s beautiful about your spouse. THESE are the secrets to putting marriage back together in a lasting way. And can I tell you a little secret? Many couples I work with end up having better relationsihps than ever after they work the steps I’ve outlined above.
Best wishes in re-claiming an extraordinary marriage!!
Dave Turo-Shields
communication is the key. and stay positive.
Communication is key! If you think things are going wrong, don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to your spouse and let him/her know. Say it in a kind way, let them know that you are wanting to work to make things better. Listen to their requests and state your own. Then really make an effort to work on it. I see time and time again that people are unhappy in their marriage and instead of talking to their spouse about it, they talk to other people and eventually cheat. Or they let the problem go for so long that it becomes a mountain when it could have been resolved a long time ago.
You can only change what you are doing. Treat your spouse as you want to be treated. Be kind, caring, giving, selfless, sharing, patient, tolerant, understanding, have unconditional love, be slow to anger and quick to forgive.
Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the Holy Bible and find out what love really is, then start loving your spouse as God intends.
Im not married but just ended a 61/2 year relationship and of course it was off and on for the last couple of years. we tried couples counseling, and fun dates. In my situation it did not work hopefully you will have more luck. I guess not enough deposits and too many withdrawals. so i guess the answer would be to deposit more and withdraw less.
You can get excellent advice at http://www.survivinginfidelity. com including signs to watch for, how to listen in on telephone conversations, how to keylog his email conversations, how to obtain a divorce, how to make things work out if you still want to, what to say to your children/family/friends, and how to move on. Another great site is http://www.cheaternews. com.