How do you save a marriage?
Ok my deal is that my husband and i have been married for about 6 months and we ar having problems. one of the problems is that he is the kind of guy that he wears the pants in the family. and I think it is hard for him to understand that i was a single mom and busted my but alone for 3 years and there are times that without thinking i just make up my mind without asking. And plus he is not working and Im trying to work as aon call nurse so thehours are not always there. he is waitng on a over the road job. But in the mean time we are fighting all the time and I think it is due to all the time that we are together. I not saying that i want him to leave but we dont go and do things we are in a house all day together and I think that we just get on each others nerves. Plus there are times that I feel like he dont want to be around me. and that he hates me i can see it in his eyes that he is falling out of love with me . please help me save my marriage it is my life and my two kids!!!!!
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Filed under: Marriage
First, he needs to get a job….if not permanent, then temporary. He could get a job at a fast food place, or whatever, until his job comes through. He is bored, depressed, and not bringing ANY money into the household. He is taking a lot of his frustration out on you, which compounds the problem. Second, when you feel a "fuss" coming on, you need to all of a sudden, find something constructive to do…..wash clothes, dishes, work with kids, etc. Sometimes, if only for a brief time, you can avoid confrontation, it helps things to go smoother. Good Luck!
Go to counseling.
Hmmm? Why isn’t he working? Idle hands… and all of that.
He is hating himself because he isn`t working.
Not working is hard on a man, makes him feel like he isn`t one.
Many people break up when the man retires and is around the house all the time…..ick.
He just has too much time on his hands and when people don`t have "a life" of their own they find fault in the life of the other person.
I don`t have a real answer for you but hope that when he is employed and feels less impotent this situation will change.
some men when they don’t get their way and can’t be in total control, do begin to dislike us, he may not want to be around u, maybe seek counciling, maybe if there are problems this soon in the marriage, it is a warning sign that u may need to get out of this marriage.
if any of you lack wisdom , you should pray to God who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. James 1: 5
i pray that God will restore and rekindle the love that was once in your hearts. Amen.
You guys have so much stuff affecting your relationship, too much for the Yahoo folks, please get counseling and if both of you could start steady working you both would feel more like partners in this marriage.
I’d love to say "got to counseling", but do either of ou have insurance? With two kids, do you qualify for medicaid, at least? And yes, you need to find something to do. Even if it volunteer work. OK, you can stay with the kids and he can do volunteer work.
I know what you mean, you make decisions without him. Truth is, as much as he needs to understand that, you need to ask his forgiveness and learn to be part of a team. (And he needs to put on a skirt here and there.)
As much pride as it gives you to have been so strong while single, you have to reconstruct your idea of yourself.
THat’s if this guy starts working. Sounds like you two can’t wait around for jobs.
Good luck.
marriage is HARD-it is WORK-even for the most happy couple in the world. Ya’ll have got to make some kind of compromise. He should prob. get a part- time while he waits on his job. Counseling will also help. I would consider my marriage very strong and it can be a struggle sometimes.
It sounds like both of you are under alot of stress right now and that is where most of your problems lay add that to trying to make 2 lifestyle into one Try to keep the lines open for communitcating and try to rembember why you married
Good luck you’re in my prayers I wish you love
Get some help. Now. If you are this upset after only 6 months of marriage, you need help from an outside source. For your children, if not for yourselves.
Basic rules for a marriage are trust, communication, honesty. Once you get those down and practice them in your life, things will start to improve. But I really suggest therapy for you both (together and separately). There are organizations that do it on a sliding scale, so it won’t cost you too much out of pocket.
Good luck!
Maybe you can suggest that the both of you go talk to a therapist or another third party….it is hard after being a single mother to then get out of the "have to do it all mode" and give some of the responsibility to someone else…..believe me I have been there…..I thought he was controlling….and really he was just trying to help……but I was so used to having to do everything myself. We were both a little stuck in our ways and a counselor really helped us communicate better….I am not saying it is all your fault…..he probably has a whole list of issues too…..but being a woman I can only point out what I was doing…..and how I remember it helping me…..
Couples must work together and mutualy agree on things, Making decisions on your own is wrong if it is finances or directly affects him. Sitting around unemployed is wrong, go do something until the preferred job is offered. It’ all about respect for one another.
Who said life was easy, especially marriage.
Been in a few situations where we almost got a divorce.
As you become older you become settled into a routine you become comfortable with, now you have a man in your life, this changes things, a lot, sometimes not to your liking or feel comfortable with.
I’m not saying to give up or give in, but give a little, but this is a two way street he has to give a little.
you two have to sit and just talk, not argue, but talk, without interruption ( if you or he causes interrupts this causes tension and an argument takes off ).
He does not understand where you are coming from, and you do not understand where he’s going to. What are you comfortable with, what is your preference, what do you want him to do and the visa versa, remember start off with small things.
Remember talking to each other is like starting a fire, with only a match, can’t start a log burning with a match, need tiny twigs. start the fire off small, then build up, with bigger concerns
Arguments is like gas, you get a big quick flame, the fire burns out quickly, and you get burned in the process.
You two have to sit down, No kids, no TV, no distractions. just talk, start off about how you feel about the situation, and how you feel inside. but remind him, to let you speak your peace, then when you are finished , ask him what he feels and what he wants.
Start off with small stuff, then over time work up to the bigger stuff. It’s not going to be easy, it will take time as you are still newly married.
Both being home a majority of the time and money being tight, also becomes complicated and frustrating, it maybe helpful to use the spare time to help as a volunteer, or take courses to help better you and your husband find a job. basically need time to breath, without each other getting in the way
Try http://www.loveadviceshop.homestead.com