How do I save my marriage??
My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We come from different family background. She came from money and I grew up poor. She looks down on my family and doesnt ever want to spend time with them. I go to college and work full time and also do all the housework(most of the time). Almost every weekend I’ll go to my brothers house to hang out with my family. She will get mad and say a whole bunch of cruel things. I spend so much time with her but still get treated like crap. I tried to get her into marriage counselling but she wont go stating that she doesnt have a problem. How do I save my marriage? I never got married to get a divorce but with her not sharing housework and calling me a f-ing loser all the time because I never went to college until I was 28. I just dont know. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Related Posts
Filed under: Marriage
After reading your question, I feel sad for you. To me, love is everthing, love can hide differences, love does not care who we are… etc. But your wife is not. I know why you married her, is because you have the love, but sadly to say she does not. One thing could be she is not that in love with you, or she was a spoiled rich child. If it’s the latter, you can still save the marriage otherwise I would advise you to divorce. A couple should respect each others’ family, they should accept the family just like they accept each other. She called you a loser, what about herself? She is a loser herself for not able to be a good wife. As you said, she dislike your family, she said bad thing to you and about your family. She should be thankful that you are a guy that willing to do the housework. Remember, your family(your parents and siblings) is always the most important people of your life. It’s your duty as one of the members to protect it’s pride. Most important is that you must protect your pride as a man. She doesn’t worth your love. Remember behind every successful man, there is a good wife.
Think again, do you still want to save the marriage while your wife is not willing to? To clap, we need 2 hands not 1.
start sleeping w/ more people than she does. that should straighten her up.
I’d throw that biotch to the curb.
It doen’t sound like you’re very happy with her. You can’t change her, only she can change her. You can only change yourself. So, if you’re doing all that you can, then maybe it’s time to take a break from each other.
WOW WHY DID YOU EVER MARRY HER???
good job for not getting a divorce, u can ALWAYS work out ANYTHING. the thing is she needs to respect your family. tell her that.
tell her shes a bitch and tell her you’ll file for a divorse if she dont change her act
ask her if she really loves you.
Seems like she has some major confidence problems of her own. I would seek counseling on your own. Maybe if she sees that you are trying to fix things, she will start trying as well.
well… it seems like this isn’t working out. the best thing to do is talk to ur wife. if she has a problem with hoo u r and ur family, is she really the ONE for u??? marriage counseling is a bunch of crap. take this issue by urself and talk to ur wife.
Not to be rude, but why do you want to save this marriage (if it can be called that)? Rude to you and your family, air of superiority, calling you names, etc. Is this really what you want?
Was she like this before you married her? I’m sure she was.
If she isn’t willing to go to counseling then she isn’t wanting to save the marriage.
Be honest with her. Tell her the way she’s treating you is hurting your feelings. Tell her that you love her but you can’t go on living like this. Ask her to go to counseling with you to work it out but tell her that if she doesn’t, you don’t think you can be around her. Ask her why she married you in the first place, and then ask her why she finds the need to talk down to you now. Maybe she’s jealous and thinks your family doesn’t like HER. Talk it over and good luck.
Nobody gets married just to get divorced, but in some situations, you get backed into a corner and that’s the only way out. It’s unfortunate that she’s so unwilling to make an effort. If you’ve done all you can, you can’t really blame yourself. The last thing I can think you can try is to tell her that if she doesn’t go to marriage counseling, you will leave. You have to make it believeable, because it sounds like she doesn’t take you seriously. Good luck.
okay you seem sweet so ill try to help is it i know you love her but is it really worth getting your feelings hurt all the time tell her that if she that marrige takes two to make it work and you feel like in this marrige there is only one person and that is you . that you dont want it to be over but if she cant except you and your family for what yall have and what yall are then there is no marrrige there
That sounds like emotional abuse to me, I think you need to take a few steps back and look at the whole picture and it’s not pretty from where I am standing. It’s not fair to treat you like this, if she felt so badly about your family why did she marry you in the first place. Look divorce is never pretty, but if you have no children together, get out and as fast as you can, and find someone who will make you happy and love you for who you are and not for how much money you have!!! Good luck
You need to very carefully consider whether she wants to save the marriage like you do. You will need her cooperation to make it work and it doesn’t sound like you’re getting any at all. If she doesn’t want to try as well, it sounds like you are going to be unhappy until she divorces you anyway. You really do need marriage counseling and you need to try to get her there. Try telling her you need her to come to help you (since she thinks she doesn’t have a problem).
That does sound like a tough relationship. You came from two different backgrounds and to tell you the truth if she is making fun and looking down on your family that is a bad sign and you should not be with her. That is rude, and selfish to be fmaily fun of your spouses side. She sounds like a person that needs to marry someone on the same level as her. And you going to college is a good thing. 28 is not that late and I bet that you are paying for it yourself and working hard to reach your goal…which is excellent. As for her she was probably a typical white rich american whose parents payed for college and she is just picking on you because she has nothing better to do. If I was in your shoes I would just leave and find someone else that respected me otherwise you should see a doctor or something to work out your problems. I wish you the best of luck and remember that you gut feeling is the best one to go with.
Good Luck with everything and I hope that I helped.
can i suggest you sit her down and have a straight serious talk with her ?
she needs to understand your constraints and your feelings .
good luck
She sounds like the loser. If she isn’t willing to compromise, and you don’t want to get divorced, then find yourself a mistress who treats you with respect, but warn your wife first that if she doesn’t give you any respect that you will find a woman who does.
Didn’t you notice this about her before you got married?
Firstly i appreciate you for trying to save your marriage..too many guys divorce even b4 they marry.
1.i suggest going to a counsellor.
2. Surrender…give in to her..
e.g. when she says you are a loser
say "Yeah..i am" like you mean it.
Don’t argue. do that with all whatever she says.
(if things get outta hand go back to 1, but otherwise you’ll save the marriage.
i’ll keep this simple…she doesn’t appreciate you and she thinks that the relationship should revolve around her. she’s obviously not doing her part so you need to grow a spine and take action man. if she doesn’t appreciate you then you need to find someone else that does. or you can sit there with your tail between your legs trying to figure out how to change her…cause you won’t. she’s a loser and she acts like one. you need to LEAVE so you can actually live a life that’s happy and focused on you. or stay with her and be miserable for the rest of your life.
You can’t save it by cringing, you can only save it by asserting yourself. If she doesn’t share, let it remain undone. And of course you have every right to visit your family and afterall nothing stops her from joining you those times. You will have to get it across to her that that’s the way you are and she will have to take it or leave it. At times, this works.
Yikes! Honey, if she is making you so unhappy and giving so little and refuses to do anything to better the situation. What do you think? Marriages do end because of these things. If you cannot deal with it anymore, get out of it.
This is your point of view… Maybe tell your wife to write the same arrguments her own way… For sure you need some cancelling…
o dear i really feel for you mate, do you really want to save your marriage??, it seems to me she is wrecking your confidence, with possessive and controlling behaviour!! you will be much happier out of the relationship, it wont get any better without her effort, it takes 2!!
at least you went to college, losers wouldnt even try, dont let her break you, stay strong, make a new life for yourself
There are a number of excellent book authors and some have associated web sites though I think I can’t directly put a URL here. For instance, Dr. Willard Harley has written one book in particular about reviving relationships called "Fall in Love, Stay in Love". Another book of his called "Lovebusters" may be helpful to you as well. He has a site entitled "Marriage Builders" with an associated radio show.
John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is another source of wisdom and I noted that there were some videos of him on YouTube.
Marriages can be difficult, but I believe they can be saved when there is motivation from both sides. With motivation from one side, the other partner can be invited into the process, but eventually both must really want the marriage.
This may be hard, but you’re gonna have to give her an ultimatum. You’re the one doing all the work and trying to get things worked out. It takes BOTH of you wanting it to work; not just you.
Ask her if she really wants your marriage to work out (which I’m sure she does), then you two need to start working on it together, or else it’s gonna fail. If she really wants it to work, scare her into believing it’s not and convince her marriage takes teamwork.
The only other thing you might want to try is not divorce, but seperation. This could mean she stay with her parents for a while or you. And what this does is it helps the other person realize if they miss you and how much they take you for granted. It could open her eyes.
But like I said, it may be hard to do, but something needs to be done.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
No one deserves to be treated this way. It sounds like your wife does not respect you or your family. You have taken a good step trying to get her to go to marriage counseling with you. The fact that you are trying to save your marriage says a lot about how much you love your wife & want this to work.
A loving, supportive wife would be thrilled that you share the housework & wanted to go to college @ 28. She would share your dreams & be happy that you try to treat her as an equal.
Even though she has refused to go to counseling, I would suggest you go anyway. It will give you a chance to speak to someone neutral about the problems you are having, as well as some insight from a professional on what you can do from here.
Good luck & I hope things work out for the best.
I DO NOT MEAN ANY DISRESPECT TO YOUR WIFE OR
YOURSELF, BUT TO ME SHE SOUND LIKE SHE WALKS
WITH HER NOSE IN THE AIR. I AM ONE OF THOSE WHO
FEELS THAT NOONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.
I THINK SHE SHOULD HAVE HONESTLY THOUGHT OF
WHAT SHE WAS UP AGAINST. I MEAN SHE KNEW YOU
WERE NOT FILTHY RICH, DRIVING A CAR OF THE YEAR
AND SO FORTH. I THINK YOU SHOULD NO LONGER
TAKE THIS ABUSE FROM HER. YOU SHOULD FIND
SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU
SHOULD BE TREATED. WITH RESPECT AND
COMPASSION TO YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS.. SO
TAKE SOME TIME AND THINK BEFORE YOU REACT.
WHAT EVER YOU CHOOSE I WISH YOU THE BEST OF
LUCK AND MANY WISHES……………
My friend ,are you living or just existing?I have never had a woman disturbing a man,here in Africa women are so submissive ,to us men a story like yours is unheard of,but usually you are a man ,why should you allow yourself to be disturbed by a woman.
i donot know your culture but here(Africa -kenya) one can marry as many wives as possible so ,the idea of a woman growing hones is a forgotten story.As for me i would advise you to never allow a woman nag you remebr you are the man(superior).If she can’t respect you,you better discard her and get another one as soon as possible.All the best but please remember you are man.And women are more than men.If you happen not to get a wife there,i can help you with good ,cute african women who respects and adores their men.
You must talk to her.Your family grow you up not your wife.Your family needs you too and if she can’t understands then why are you with her..In marriage there must be love with the two families and be all together ..She must understand that you are not alone you have a family that cares about you not just her.And later if you want to have kids your family will want to see your children and coming over your house and you go to theme’s..I don’t know good English I’m sorry i hope i help you..
You need to write her a letter telling her your true feelings. If she does not want to talk this is a good way to do it and come to some sort of agreement She is abusing you mentally and needs to stop.
I sure as heck would not put up with a "partner" calling me a f***ing loser!!!
ill divores her if i was you.
but if you dont wanna then you should just hang out with her forever, and tell your family to come over your house instead of you going to there house. and tell them to hang out with your wife also.
hope this helps.
If i were you i would take the time to talk to her and find out how she realy feals about you, and you to. If you reay love her dont let go just pray. i dont know if you believe in god or not, but hes here for all of us. If you trust in him let him take over, pray more that you ever have. He answers prayers, but you have to give him time. and other that that, try talking to her and tell her how you feal. And if you dont go to a church, try finding one and the both of yall go. ill keep you in my prayers
What baffles me is that the two of you got together in the first place. I understand that you did not get married to get a divorce, but it takes two people to make a marriage work and from sound of it, your wife isn’t working at things.
You say that she does not like your family and looks down on them (which is not good). Even if she does not like your family her putting them down only makes things worse and ultimately is disrespectful to you. I also understand that you want to spend time with your family, but spending almost every weekend with your brothers is a little much. Try spending more time with your wife on the weekends and not every weekend with your brothers. Don’t get me wrong–it is perfectly normal to spend time with your family but not every weekend (is it the Whole weekend or just a little while).
Counseling sounds good if she will go. But even if she doesn’t maybe you might consider going by yourself because it may help you understand some of the dynamics going on in your relationship. As it appears from your statement, your wife is abusive to you. Whether that stems from her own insecurities or her past experiences still does not make it acceptable. By the way, her family can not be "all that" if they condone this sort of behavior from their daughter. You need to realize that having lots of money does not make people better than you.
Good luck to you. You sound like a decent guy.
Welcome to my world! I married a daughter of a surgeon. I won’t go into too much detail about our relationship because, dude, you’re living it! If there are no kids, don’t have them!!!!! She married you not for love, but for the potential for greater financial gain! When she realized this would not happen as quick as she planned, she turned flat evil! Get a lawyer quick! Real quick, because I guarantee you she is looking for one right now! Get a good one too! I got custody of my children because I had the best lawyer. I had to grow up quick, but, it was worth it! If you have kids be prepared to spend a crazy amount of time in court! If not escape now! Hit her with it hard, take command! I mean it! Take command now! Otherwise you are going to get leagally clobbered soon!
I am so sorry for you.I have a son and if he will have a such marriage, I should tell him to go away from a such wife.It is only wasting of a time because this woman doesn’t love you.I do not know what she was thinking when she did marry with you but a marriage is not only a nice and pleasant adventure but love, care for each other and help.What if you’ll be suddenly ill and you can not work,study and to serve to her at home?Are you her slave or a domestic servant?Is she thinking about to keep you for that?
I think 2 years of your life are not so much to waste it in a marriage comparing it with all life suffering withought life or for many years to have it on your heart what she is doing with you.
Making love,sharing life together,giving nice feelings to each other and first of all being friends is much more than every day to tell you your life partner that you are nothing.You will develop a such putting down yourself and you will receive a lot of understimating complexes.
Let she enjoy of her money and you keep very close relationship with your family because now they are only people who loves you really and can help you in your life.
So many women are into this world and there is somebody for you too who will love you,respect you and will be happy to spend together the life because the life is only one.
It is expecting you and do not loose your time anymore.
Good Greif! How the heck did you two get-along long enough to get spliced..?
Dump this broad and try to find what is called a ‘helpmeet’, a woman who enters a relationship – not necessarily an immediate marriage – with a partnership attitude.
Meanwhile you sound like Casper Milquetoast.
Good hunting.
you and your wife should sit down and talk to each other.communicate with her, tell her your feeling whenever u feel bad. let her know what u want from her and ask her how she feel about yours marriage life. is this what she want? is she happy with her marriage life?
I am so sorry for you. If she will not go to counseling, then there is not more you can do. She does not respect you. I think you need to separate- it just may save your marriage,
It’s really sad, but she doesn’t love you and that’s because she has no idea what love even is.
She knows what money is. That’s probably how she was raised. Raised always getting and doing whatever she wants. 9 out of 10 people that were raised with alot of money are far from warm, loving, respectful, generous people and they will never go out of their way to make anybody happy. That’s because they never had to go out of their way, it always came to them.
It seems to me like she is very immature and spoiled and the only way you can stop that, is if you stop putting up with it. How can you let someone, especially your wife put you down, call you names and disrespect your family like that? Where is your backbone?
The only thing that might make her stop and think, is you saying you will no longer deal with this. Strongly talking about all your feelings and the things you want in your marriage, might make a difference. If it doesn’t, without a doubt you will eventually say goodbye. Good Luck
WELL AS FAR AS GOING TO COLLEGE I WAITED TILL I WAS 30 SO WHO CARES, AND I AM GOING THROUGH SOME MARRIAGE PROBLEMS TOO! THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS TO KEEP GOING TO YOUR BROS YOUR FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TRY TO TELL YOUR WIFE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHAT SHE IS SAYING TO YOU IF SHE WONT LISTEN OR DONT CARE THEN YOU SHOULD BE SELFISH AND DO WHAT EVER MAKES YOU HAPPY
# 1 why do you want to save this marrage? Are You happy ? Both partners have to give at least 75 % at all times for a partnership to have a chance. It sounds like someone is not giving thier share. Your marriage has stopped the negoshiating process ,when that happens "cussing,blaming,withdrawing,etc."are the way you communicate. Very few marriages recover from this stage without serious outside help along with true everlasting love and total commitment. Your marriage is already missing most of these ingredients I’ve seen people stay together till death rescued them. However their marriage failed. Again I ask the question Why do you want to save this ( business relationship where you are considered the bottom feeder)—Marriage ? I think when you answer this question , your next one will be ."How do I get out of this marriage that is obviously over?" Good luck!
No one should be treated this way. Yes, you are married and no one gets married with the intent of getting divorced. She is doing nothing but emotionally and mentally abusing you and this isn’t right. NOT AT ALL. You are going to school now and working and that is great!!!! She should be so proud of you for this. My advice, she doesn’t go to counselling then what choice do you have but to get a divorce? She sounds like it’s her way or no way, and that’s not the way marriage is supposed to be.
Do not put up with this abuse, because that is exactly what it is. Have more respect for yourself. No one is better than you.
Calling someone a f-ing loser doesn’t sound like love to me, does it to you? If she can’t work these things out and learn how to appreciate you and your family and SOON, get outta there. Go find a woman who appreciates you for who you are and who understands the value of family. Let her treat some other guy like an underling. Nobody gets married to get a divorce but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Ask yourself if you want to live like this the rest of your life or the rest of the month ..
Good luck
Tick tick tick. Imagine yourself in 10 more years.
If you’ve told her how you feel and she doesn’t care – maybe you need to tell her it’s counseling or a divorce. Let her decide what’s more important, having to admit there’s a problem or actually fixing it.