How can I save my marriage? he claims he feels sad constantly?
my husband of almost one year says that he fells sad when he wakes up that this certian happiness he used to have when single is gone forever he constantly asks me if i am going to leave him is is so terrified of it. I think i am codependant too. He had been hurt alot and has issues but im the most understanding person. He constantly asked me if i was cheating on him the first seven months married we were apart (military) he is getting ready to deploy for fifteen months! I love him how can I save my marriage!!!!
I dress fully clothed no teenage hoochie stuff i dont flirt and I dont check out men ever! I have nothing but female friends here. If i dont leave a note when i run down the street to the Px he thinks in screwing around
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Filed under: Marriage
My dear lady,
The best advice I can give you is be honest with your true feelings. Do you love him enough to hang in there while he is away ? This is a test for you both on your devotion to each other. It is going to be a tough test not an easy one.
But if you truly love each other, well you will be alright. While he is away why don’t you take some classes of some kind to help you advance in your career whatever it is. This will help pass the time for you and you will be doing something that will help you both while he is away.
Join a support group of other ladies who’s husbands are also away. This might be very helpfull as far as discussing your feelings with others who probubly have the same feelings.
Or…volenteer to help with some just cause like delivering meals to the sick and elderly ?
Now as for your husband. He needs to seek some help from a man of the cloth like a pastor. It helps a man to talk to another man that is there in a spirtiual way to help raise his spirits and give him hope and the support he needs. There is always a man of the cloth around in the military no matter where your husband is.
Finally….Trust, trust, trust. You both must trust the one you love with all your heart. Be loyal, honest, loving to each other and all this will pass in time. You and he can do it. You both owe it to each other.
He needs therapy and anti-depressants.
He has to seek professional help. This is his issue. He has to deal with his own insecurities, and work past them. Unfortunately, this is bigger than he or you.
Go to the bookstore and both of you read a few books on co-dependency and insecurities and improving your marriage.
your husband needs to work on his trust issues and on his depression. seek professional help…for him and for you both. if he cannot trust you then he has issues. seriously….
You know, there isn’t much that you can really do about this… What needs to happen is that he needs to go to a therapist and talk about the problems of his insecurities (and hopefully they are not founded in your relaitionship) and you both should probably go to mairage counceling as it would help things. I have a feeling that whatever insecurities that he feels towards cheating either are founded in something he feels with your relationship (somethign you did, even if it wasn’t cheating) or a past relationship that he hasn’t gotten over. Either way this is somethign that he’s going to have to conquer and get over so that your relationship can last longer and make it.
This is something that being deployed isn’t going to help any, and is probably goign to make it worse… See if you can hang out with some of your mutual girl friends that you’d hang out with anyways on a regular basis so maybe he’d come to realize that when you do go out, it’s allways with the "girls" but not a "girls night out."
Not sure what else to tell ya, but the military should have some good resourses that you can pull upon for this.
Why doesn’t he trust you? Do you flirt or do guys talk to you on the street?
Dress more conservative when you go outside.
he is really insecure that he is gone for so long and dont know what ur up to. plus i seen many women cheating on their guys serving our country( a new low) try to let him see u love him, always look in his eyes and if he ask questions answer them all truthfully even if it is just how u feel. say how u feel even if u arent fine. which most people like to respond with. im fine. hopefully it works out.
He need a therapist
Both of you need a marriage counselor
Get rid of the doggy and get with the Huggy!!!!!!
Sounds like he might be depressed. You should see if you can get him into a counselor who may be able to recommend treatment.
He is very insecure in your relationship for reasons you don’t really explain here. What can you do? Several things. Remind him every day how important he is in your life. Let him know in no uncertain terms that he is the only man you want to be with now and forever. Words say a lot but in this case actions speak louder than words. You have to show him what he means to you.
If both of you are dependent and needy in the relationship, then both of you need to realize that while the love of your life is with you it is ok to display those feelings of want, need and dependance. But in times of separation you still need to find little ways to show the other that they are constantly on your mind and in your heart. Remember the old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is true to some extent, but absence also means you have to work harder to keep that fire lit inside our hearts.
Right now your husband needs a lot of reassurance that you will be there not only when he returns but that he will be with you every day he is gone.
If time permits before he leaves you might talking to a counselor. This might help him get some perspective and also begin working on his "hurt" and how to overcome it.
Cliff above me has it completely right!