How can i save my marriage?
posted Wednesday,
3:04 am
my husband and i have been to 3 different counselors, we’ve tried alot, we don’t agree on anything from housework to free time, we don’t fight effectively but we fight everyday, sometimes i hate him, i don’t know what else to do. i love him but it’s like we never should have ended up together so what do i do?
let me add we’re having a baby
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Filed under: Marriage
Just might be that you don’t belong together. Fighting & bickering all the time does NOT make for a happy marriage. If you’ve done & tried everything in your power, then maybe it might be a good idea to try a separation & see how you each make out on your own. There is nothing like an unhappy marriage to keep hanging in yr. after yr. when it just doesn’t change. There’s going to come a time in your life when you both feel you want to be happy regardless if it’s together or apart. IF you really truly don’t feel you love one another the way you should, then why stay together & be unhappy. You just might find it’s to both your best advantage to accept things are NOT going to change & go from there. But there honestly is no reason to keep staying together in a non happy atmosphere. It’s not fair to either one. We all make mistakes of every kind. Your marriage just could be a mistake, accept that fact & both of you would have to move on. I’d try a separation first & see how you both make out on your own. See if each one of you is truly happier that way. IF you find you are, then accept the fact you have made a mistake & rectify it so you both have a chance of a happy future. The best to you…:)
If counseling isn’t helping then maybe you and your husband should separate for awhile and see how things go from there.
You said, "my husband and i have been to 3 different counselors". Then it is time to part.
If 3 differnt counselors hasn’t helped you two, perhaps divorce is the answer. Life is too short to be constantly fighting with someone who’s supposed to love you and respect you instead of making you feel miserable.
Reverse the mistake of getting married in the first place. What is the point? Live your life. Why spend it trying to fix something that was never meant to be?
Love isn’t always enough, you can love someone and not be right for them. Ask him what he feels the two of you should do. Maybe a holiday with no mobile phones in a destination where no one can get to you.
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It sounds like you have exhausted yourselves trying to make this marriage work. Perhaps you should try separating for while and seeing how that works for you. Perhaps you two could find more common grown without being under the same room and then perhaps you will find you should move forward. Bless you both!
im sure the counselors made you do all the exercises: what brought you together in the first place, list your likes and dislikes of each other, role reversals. but if you both can’t step back and look at your situation from each others point of view then you will be doomed. say all you want is some "romantic time" and he can wrap his head around the fact that what he gives you isn’t enough anymore. if he can’t see that even he could feel like he is missing someone even though they are right there and you can’t see that from where he stands he is giving you attention then you won’t be able to work things out.
take the time to talk to each other without raising your voices and just discuss what you want, what you miss, what you are willing to do for the relationship, what effort you want to bring to the table.
if you both come to the realization that you don’t want to put in the effort, that you can’t provide what the other wants then i would suggest seperating.
If this is a pattern of behavior that can’t be broken, then you have to be careful, because you don’t want to raise a baby in a home like that. They have this tendency of picking up your very worst habits, even ones you don’t know about. I guess a peaceful home is a priority…when you meet your new child, I hope it makes you both want to be better people (as it did, me). I hope it works out, and if not, I hope all are happy.
why?
Can U both just take a little break from each other to think things over? It depends on who these counselors were, as to how good they did U. Each counselor has their own style, and U might not have found the right one yet.
Please learn to fight "fair" and be polite to each other no matter what. That will carry U a lot further than anything. U can be polite — even to your enemies.
Give yourself one more chance. It sounds as though U really are trying, and if it doesn’t work, then do what U have to do.
You said you love him. Isn’t that worth something. How often in your life will you find someone that you truly love? Beyond love however is happiness. Do you believe you can be happy with him? Life is not always a bed of roses. There are always choices to make and sometimes people do not agree. However, this offers the opportunity to learn acceptance and respect for each others uniqueness. Instead of a counselor, perhaps a life coach might be of greater assistance.
Don’t give up. Every couple that has a successful marriage goes through these times when they think that they can’t stand each other for another minute. Read the Bible and pray if you believe in God. It will help. A family is so important to keep together. Just keep looking for the answer and you will find it. A divorce is more heartbreaking than what you are going through now. Get books from the library too.
Sometimes trying to save a marriage just can’t work. Your happiness is so much more important then trying to stay with someone that you just don’t seem to get along with anymore. Try finding yourself again. Work on being happy with yourself and maybe the rest will fall into place and if it doesn’t then it may be time to move on and find someone you can enjoy being with.
If you and your husband just cannot find a way to get along, even with counselling, then you should probably face the fact that you are not going to be compatible and get a divorce. Why you would choose to have a baby in a situation like this is beyond me.
A marriage shouldn`t be a battlefield. Home should be that warmth place where we feel safe and loved. I don`t believe in efective fight,,,a fight is a fight..two people againt each other. That`s not the dream we have when we are planning the wedding!.
You could have as many counselors as you wish, but if you don`t have the craving for a loving family, the urgent need to stay together, to feel love and respect for each other, then nothing can help. When we fight we bring out the worse of ourselves..to hurt the best of our lives.
I wish you the best for all of you, the 3 of you..And next time when he feels like fighting go to a quit place and think in your baby,,when you feel like fighting go to a quit place and think in your baby..Is this the family you wish he had, or will enjoy, is this a home where he will feel safe and loved?
Love is an emotion but it’s also a state of mind.
You both need to decide that you love each other. You need to decide that you want to be together. You need to decide that you will see the good in the other, not the bad…..
Change your attitude towards each other and see what happens – you both may be very surprised.
Then start trying to be nice to each other – it really isn’t that hard once you decide to try. Get the e-book at http://www.bringbackthespark.com – it really helped friends turn their marriages around, so they now have warm, loving marriages. It has to be worth a go and it’s pretty cheap. Good luck.
How did you get along before you got married? What changed?
Living with a pregnant woman is not a barre ll of laughs if you were anything like me. I was a walking time bomb mad at the world.
If you cannot communicate and both be willing to fix the problem, why stay somewhere you are miserable
Stop nagging. You are wondering weather you can save your marrage and you lead off with housework. I don’t think it matters how many counslers you see things won’t get better if you look for an excuse to bitch at him,
Make it easy, one of you goes to work full time, the other gets the easy job and takes care of the house.
I’ve been the breadwinner and now I am a widower with two young children and I’ll taking being the stay at home Mom job anyday. It is great and it beets the hell out of working. If some woman wants to go out and bring home the bacon, it would be my pleasre to do the wash and cook dinner, shit I have to do mine and the kids anyway.