How and when did you know you could not save your marriage???
posted Saturday,
12:41 am
Have you ever been or are right now at the point that you feel your marriage cannot be saved? How did you know and what did or are you doing? Counseling or Give up. And, if children are involve, how do/did they affect your decision?
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Filed under: Marriage
On my second marriage, I knew that this one could not be saved. "Jim" is 30 years old now and does not work. He has not worked in the 6 years since our daughter was born. I didn’t want kids (before I had my daughter), and when we decided to have one he was the one that was going to stay at home and take care of the child. In a bad car accident a few years ago, I told him it was time for him to work. I needed to learn to walk all over again. He never got a job, so my mother supported us. Until I was able to walk and not be in pain any more.
My divorce will be final next month. In September I kicked him out because I found out that he was having an affair with my neighbor. He was also a heavy drinker that got violent one night. My brother was at my apartment with some friends and he called the police. My soon to be ex Jim went to jail for domestic violence. Jim was given probation since we have a child together. I allowed him to move back in (to sleep in the spare room) because he swore on our daughter’s life that he was not seeing the woman or having any contact with her. I also said that he had to follow his probation (which included AA and counseling) and get a job. My daughter was having major problems adjusting to life without him. We even went on vacation for Thanksgiving to see family out of state. Anyway, a few days before Christmas, I recieved information that he was still talking to her and getting money from her and sleeping with her and telling her that he was leaving me. I took the information and then kept it to myself to boil. I took my daughter to my mom’s house (the night before) and then came home and opened the window in the room Jim was sleeping in (we live in Michigan and it was cold here at about 3 in the morning). I then yanked the blankets from him and told him that he needed to get his a$$ up now. I asked him about everything that was told to me. He said that the information was wrong and that the person who told me was a liar. I then called the person and put Jim on the phone with her while I listened in. Jim denied it all while on the phone. After the phone conversation, he told me that everything that was said was true. He didn’t want to hurt me anymore, so he just never told me the truth.
My respose: You know, I don’t care if I hurt you or not, but you are going, NOW! I then opened my front door and told him to get. He was screaming and yelling, "baby i love you, I’m sorry". Needless to say, the neighbor woke up and heard him screaming. I opened the door and told he neighbor she could have him as I tossed his car keys into the snow into her front yard.
My daugher has been doing well since then. I explained what hurt feeling were. I told her that daddy lied and that hurt mommy’s feelings. Mommy doesn’t like to cry or be sad, so daddy moved out. I also said that if she needed daddy she could call him. And that she would now have to see daddy at her grandma bea’s house. No questions since then, and a very happy almost 6 year old.
Im now 30
I got married when i was just 18 and was married for 10 years. We had 3 beautiful children and brought a house together. I guess i knew when our marriage was over was when Kath (ex-wife) used to leave at 7am for work (her shift stared at 8am) and would come home at 9pm (finshed at 6pm) she would go to the pub alone and when she did come home drunk she would shout and scream to see the kids, they would wake up and when it was time for skool next day they were so tired and she would moan at me. I could not take anymore and i divorced her, the courts gave me full access but i objected saying they needed to see their mum and she was given joint access they go there every other wednesday, and every saturday.
I know right now that my marriage cannot be saved in any way, shape or form. My husband was Ike Turners equal for so many years and then one day I got up and left. I took my child and purse and just walked out. I figured it was wrong to take his child from him in that way so I returned. He did a 360 and is almost totally reformed, still a little mentally abusive, but pretty darn good comapred to how he used to be……but it’s too late. I’m having an affair and dream of being alone. I’d rather live free and be broke then have his money and be miserable…but now it seems like he doesn’t deserve it because he’s been so good to me for months.
If the communication between the two of you stops than that is a pretty good indication that your lives have gone seperate ways. Counseling is an opption but not one that always works. I do know that before i ever get married again we will go to counseling. My kids are fine now, I have been divorced for 8 years. My oldest was 5 and youngest was 2 1/2. They did go through some difficult times but my ex and i just made it as easy for them as we could and they adjusted. Just dont ever fight in front of the children or downgrade your ex in front of them.
He wouldn’t work or take responsibiltity for his actions. Ran the streets, made bills that he refused to pay, lied, cheated, etc. One day I got tired of it and said enough. Divorced him, never looked back and life goes on.