Help me save my marriage. My wife wants to leave me.
I have been married for 21 years and back in 2006, my ex-girfriend contacted me through Classmates.com. I began to e-mail her and also talked to her on the phone (only 5 times in one month). We met for drinks once (she lives out of state). Nothing happened. I did not cheat on my wife, I love her very much, she is my world. I just had not seen my ex in a long time and it was great to catch up on old times. My wife found out about the e-mails but I did not tell her about the phone calls and meeting because it was strictly platonic. Everything occcured in late 2006 and when my wife found out about the e-mails, I immediately stopped all contact with her. Now, my wife has found out about the phone calls and the meeting and she wants to leave me. I feel horrible about conversing with my ex and I cannot convince my wife that I didn’t cheat on her. As a matter of fact, all I talked about with my ex is my wife and our son. My family is my world and I don’t know what to do to save my marriage. I would never do anything like this again and nothing I tell my wife seems to make her feel better about it. Any advice would be appreciated
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Filed under: Marriage
First of all you need to keep kissing the ground your wife walks on and do whatever she tells you to do. It sounds like you really love her so you need to fight and keep her. THEN, once you get her to stay and things calm down, don’t ever pull that crap again. You were wrong in just about everything you did. Chances are if you told your wife everything from the beginning, none of this would have happened. My lady and I tell each other everything and if I wanted to have lunch with a female, I’d tell her who she is and why and get her thoughts on it. If she was okay with it, I have lunch. If not, I don’t. Your mistake wasn’t so much that you talked to your ex and had an innocent lunch. Your crime was that you were sneaky about it and tried to hide it. She’s your wife, not your mom. So in summary, keep pleading and buying flowers and never sneak around ever again.
If it was so innocent, why didn’t you tell her about it to begin with?
Lying by omission is still lying.
Give her the space she needs to sort things out. If she wants to leave for a bit, then let her do it and don’t fight her.
At the end of the day if she cannot trust your words then you probably will lose her. If she can’t believe what you are saying after 21 years then I think there are deeper issues there then just you connecting with your ex.
I hope things work out.
What you should have done is been completely honest with your wife about talking to your ex and everything else. If you had no bad intentions ( which it seems like you didn’t ) you should have just told her and been up front about the situation. Whenever you hide something that is perfectly innocent it makes you look guilty. It’s nice that you thought of sparing her "feelings" or maybe not having you upset at her at the time. But, in the long run if your intentions had been entirely pure with this ex it would have been the right thing to do to be honest with her.
Have you told her you are sorry yet? If not that’s a place to start.
If you have already apologized the best thing to do is to let your wife have some time to think about this and it may be best to take a few steps back.
Just let her know you love her and you never meant to hurt her… don’t assume the worst right now she may just need a little time.
keep your chin up!
Truth always prevails. Your family matters most. You have a beautiful relationship 21 yrs, dont spoil it by keeping things from your wife. Your wife and your son matter most. New friends will come and go.
Stay off classmates. I got in touch with an old friend through there and it almost ruined my marriage. You are married so you shouldn’t have been emailing and talking on the phone to any exes. If this ex was so great you would have married her. If it was all so innocent then why did you keep it from your wife in the first place? Why did you meet her in person? If you met her in person and it was platonic then you should have brought your wife with you. I don’t blame your wife for being upset. What you have done is emotional cheating. Just tell your wife again how you love her and how all you talked to your ex about was her and your son. That you would never do anything to hurt her because she is your world and that you will never do anything like this again. Just show her how much you love her.
You need to be more specific with your wife.
You need to come out and be frank with her.
Tell her like this "Look, I’ve known this girl for a very long time and we had some fun times together, but then you came into my life. I would never leave you for my ex, but if you keep acting this way you definitely are pushing me out the door.
All I wanted was to know if the fire was still there because I may have wanted to play around for old times sake, but I would of used a condom so you would’ve been okay. You believe me don’t you?"
If that don’t work try this line "Look sweetheart, I’m not playing games here, yes I wanted to bang my ex girlfriend, I don’t know what came over me can you forgive me?"
Or maybe this line"Sweet heart, she means nothing to me your the only woman in my life. You can’t blame me for trying, I’m only human."
Honestly man theres not much you can do except beg for forgiveness. I don’t think she should leave you but perhaps she is hopefully just scaring you to give you the hint that that sorta thing wasn’t cool at all. You need to tell her everything you just told us, which I am sure you have but make sure you do it when she and you aren’t arguing. And if she does leave, well bro, thats on her for not trusting your word that you didn’t sleep with your ex, but theres nothing you can do. Maybe try something extreme, like have a limo pick her up and take her to a fancy place and meet her there for drinks. Tell her its just to talk things over but really you are trying to convince her that she should stay with you.
i do understand why u didn’t tell your wife cause u felt she would get very jealous! But u have to think of it on her end to! If u guys went out and had drinks she don’t know if u didn’t do nothing! What u should of did was bring your wife with u when u went to see your ex! That way she could of kept an eye on u!
i don’t mean to sign like an as* but what u did is what most guys would do not tell there wife they are meeting an ex or a friend that is a female cause they are going to get jealous! So that’s understandable of why u did this!
I have no idea on how u could make this up to her. I don’t know find your ex that u went to the bar with that night and your wife question both of u! And if u don’t lie to her ever she should believe u! Either in person or on the phone! I am not sure what to tell u other then that!