Does a trial separation work to save a marriage?
posted Wednesday,
10:59 am
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we have 2 children, and we are completely miserable… we love eachother very much, but I just don’t feel that love is always enough…I don’t want a divorce… I just feel like he needs to take care of himself for awhile… he has never been on his own…he has always had someone to take care of him and because of that I belive that he is very selfish… so my question is… does a trial separation ever work to save a marriage? Or should I stay and try to make it work that way?
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Filed under: Marriage
I haven’t made a study of this, but every couple that I can think of that separated wound up getting divorced. So if you don’t really want a divorce, I would advise against.
Get into therapy with him. Learn to express your feelings and dissatisfaction without attacking each other or "flooding." Learn to divvy up the chores and responsibilities and talk about what he needs to do to "step up." (I do my own laundry and clean up the kitchen almost every night.)
Also, instead of separating completely, get into some "alone time" activities for yourself — get a little separation without moving out. Weekend at a spa with a girlfriend, for example. Work out at the gym on a regular basis. Make him be Mr. Mom (with a full complement of chores.) You’ll get the space you need. He’ll learn to respect and appreciate what you do, and maybe grow up a bit. (I know I did.)
No separation is not the answer, its an easy way out. You really want a divorce, why don’t you try and talk it out
You give a real lame excuse for a separation…
I don’t believe a trial separation works that often…..if you’re so miserable together and discover happiness while apart? Then what? Why would you want to go back together and be miserable again?
Once you or he taste happiness – being separated – it seems unlikely that getting back together will guarantee continued happiness.
It’s just my opinion. And I could be wrong. Only you and he can sort it out. Just beware that once freedom and happiness are tasted, you two may never want to look at each other ever again.
I think that you should stay together and get marital counseling.
i don’t think trial separation is the answer how can you work on the relationship when you are not together?look into couples counseling and work it out together.
it depends my husband and i went thru some problems and seperated for 5 months, and it worked we are together still and happier then ever now…but while we were seperated we went to counsling together and seperated and when we resolved a majority of are problems we started dating again…and i think we fell in love deeper now then before.. we learned alot we still have are fare share of problems but we learned how to agree to disagree and how to argue in a healthy way. we had two kids when we seperated and we never put them in the middle. He was a part of their lives thru the whole seperation…
Yes in some cases i think it may be good for a short time and may work and help the marriage . But in other cases no. If you are miserable try a trial seperation for a few weeks or a couple of months but during that time get and seek marriage counseling and help together as well. I suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com end email him for help and advice in this situation as he can help you better then i can with this one. I am here if you need someone to talk to about this as well. I will be praying for both of you and this marriage. This seperation may also allow the both of you to think clearly about things and know where to go from there down the road.
It helps to end a marriage. The coward’s way.
My soon 2 b ex and I are seperated…we just grew apart…..but we friends. We are actually better off as friends than married….and are divorcing this summer. We both love eachother but aren’t "in" love with eachother.