Do I stop waiting and divorce my husband even though I love him with all my heart?
We’ve been married for 8 years but have only lived together for about 3 and a half of these. He moved out because of our arguments and I told him to go, but we have always ‘been together’ and did everything together and he has said for years that when we can stop arguing he will move back. Couples argue dont they? He used to stay at the weekends and we were always on the phone or texting each other and really very much in love still. But this last year he has changed and seems to start the arguments just so he does not have to come round and Im always just left alone waiting for him. I feel so alone as I have no friends and no close family. I started two college courses and work part-time but I always pretend nothing is wrong and act confident but inside Im a mess.
(I have 2 children from my first marriage, that broke up fine as we got married very young and are still friends even with his wife now.)
I have not seen my husband now since a week before Christmas and not spoken to him on the phone or texted since 5pm Christmas Eve, I miss him so much but so much time has gone passed I know he has moved on.
He would never go to counselling even though I begged him so many times, he would say he dose not have the money (even though I said I would be paying half) but he would say lets go for a meal out!
I feel lost without him even though I have always (3.5 years of the marriage) been on my own. I dont see any other way but to start divorce proceedings and try to be confident as I could not handle one day getting the divorce papers from him because then I know he does not want me anymore and my hopes of him calling would be gone.
What do I do? Im sorry for such a long waffle but I have no one to talk to.
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Filed under: Divorce
Up until now he has been in the driving seat. He has called all the shots – moving out, coming round when he feels like it, basically living a single life and having you as a back up.
You need to start taking charge of your own life now. Yes, start divorce proceedings, get out the house and stop waiting for him. You are making it too easy for him right now. It’s not a marriage when you can’t live under the same roof as each other.
If you need to, get some counselling. That will help you understand your feelings and also help you to move on.
Life is too short to be hanging around for some guy who clearly doesn’t want the commitment that you do.
oh god yu are in a mess.Find out and give some time up to jan month and see whehter he is coming or not.if he comes reconcile with him and tell him to live with yu if he listens ok, otherwise go for divorce and marry some one soon.
sorry. your husband might be from the old school where a woman knows her place. u will be ok.
He doesn’t have money for counseling, but he has money for another place to live? You can’t put a marriage back together living apart. It’s like he is having his cake when he wants it and the life of a single man.
A man who wanted to fix things would not have moved out. You have been kept on a string for 3.5 years. You should be out of mourning by now. You need to move on and get your divorce. When he comes back tell him to keep going, or you will never adjust. He will crawl back out of his hiding spot when you serve him. At some point he will want to have another night in your bed. You can’t keep being his toy. Your going to get a disease and spend your life waiting on a man who has "moved on".
Your children are learning how to have a dysfunctional life. Arguing in a marriage happens but not frequently and where one waits for 3.5 years to come back. I would rather say it’s more common and functional to have disagreements and a suitable agreement or compromise. Marriage isn’t about who wins the argument, or who was right or wrong. It’s about compromise, sharing, respect and not always being right. This marriage ended the day he walked out and abandoned you. So he shows up every now and then for a good time and one more argument.
You do need to have someone to talk too. I understand and have been through divorce myself. My second marriage has been much better. We do have moments of disagreement, but we work things out. Old saying never let the sun set on your wrath. Roots of bitterness can grow a mighty tree.
Please do not feel down.Keep your confidence up and go and find happiness as this guy will not be there to the end.He is more then likely using you.Make some new friends and keep busy.I wish you well.
when a man does the disappearing act it only means one thing, that he is with someone else. he isn’t contacting you right now because he hasn’t yet made up his mind but why allow him to control things. Couples do argue, its part of marriage. I would tell him exactly how i felt and tell him he either comes home and wants to restore the marriage or he doesn’t. He is with a new person and the only reason he hasn’t filed yet is that he may not be sure of her yet.