Did you stop dating after divorce? Do you think people should?
After I went through my divorce 4 years ago, I have not been alone and continued to date. The marriage ended because he cheated on me. All of the men I have came in contact with since then have been the same cheaters, compulsive liars, no job, no goals etc. They treat me like I’m a sucker. I’m very faithful and career oriented, all around good person, great career, own place, go to school at night etc. My friends are telling me I keep repeating the cycle and need to stop dating for awhile because I haven’t been alone since the divorce and need time to heal. I’m not sure why I’m attracting these type of people. I would like to think there are some good men out there. For some reason I’m beginning to think maybe I do need to stop dating and take a break for maybe a year or 6 months.
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Filed under: Divorce
Anna sometimes well meaning friends will steer you wrong but, not in this situation. Take some time and do a little soul searching on yourself before you attempt another relationship.
Here’s what I mean.
Marriage and relationships are generally bullshit. Just find good friends that want sex…that is kinda all that matters.
I did stop dating for awhile. I felt that I wasn’t emotionally ready to date and I think someone needs to get themselves healthy before dating again so you don’t drag the problems/emotions/trust issues etc…into the next relationship.
If you feel you need to take a break from dating then do it. Why date if you arent ready?
Your friends are right. Take a breather and figure out where you need to be right now. Even an entire year of not dating isn’t too long.
A break may be good, yes.
And I agree with your friends, the problem lies in your choice. Obviously its a pattern that you continually choose cheaters, liars, etc. If you really want to change that then you need to change yourself, you need to change your choices.. and the firs step is recognition, recognizing that you are choosing these men and changing who you choose.
I agree. Stay back and give this some thought. Change yourself ,too. Try new things, be a little out of your comfort zone. Without being the least bit selfish, you can devote this time strictly to yourself.
It would not be a bad idea to step back and bit. Focus on yourself for awhile, it sounds like you have lots to keep you busy. Maybe after a break you will have better luck.
I’m not sure why you are dating these guys either, but I can tell you, having been divorced, almost a year, that you need to weed them out immediately. When my divorce was over, I didn’t want to date, and 4 guys made it apparent that they were interested in me. One hasn’t has a job (bad job market in my state) and hasn’t been looking for one. He is not someone that I have anything in common with. The second, wanted to date, and was "not afraid of marriage," even when he hadn’t filed for divorce. He filed a week later and then said, "Now we can go on a date." I wasn’t interested and now he’s sleeping with 4 different women. One lied about where he lived (stupid lies tell you a lot). He said he lived on a lake and then said, "I don’t really live ON the lake." The other lies about the amount of boats he has, etc, also turned out to be lies. I didn’t really care if he had boats or a lake front house, I don’t like liars. Bye bye #3. The 4th guy is honest with me, no matter what. He tells me that he never wants to be with another woman, than me. He compliments me all the time, he tells me that he loves talking to me. He is the one I look forward to seeing, and still, I want to take my time. You have to pay attention to the signs and deside if they have character flaws. In all these cases, I saw the flaw quickly because I went into it looking to see if they were there. Don’t stop dating, just pay attention. Good luck.
I did, And when I did start dating it was causal. I took baby steps; So I did not end up with another man like my ex.
I hung out with friends, Got to know myself. I became a better parent. Then when I did meet a man, He got a self supportive women who felt good about her self and the choices she was making.
Ok . . . well I can only answer from my experience
I am not yet divorced but have been separated for almost 2 years . . . my ex is now engaged . . . I never made the decision not to date but after going through a stage of making VERY bad decisions and sleeping with people I really should not have, guys that treated me kike a door mat and used me for just one thing, so, I decided to just chill for a while. I relaxed focussed on myself and my kids and my career. Not focussing on the fact that I felt I needed to be with someone to be complete was the best thing I ever did, BUT I did not decide to not date (I just didn’t). My life became much mroe settled, and I became a better person, mother and worker. And then one day, a friend and I looked at each other and we knew that that was it ! We were meant to be together and I am now that happiest I have EVER been !!!
no
make you a list of your expectations in a man, write your list everything went wrong in your marriage, heal from the wounds from the divorce, be clear in your heart and mind of wounds from hurts of the past are healed.
Your time right now, to heal from the breakup, and all the confusions of dating as well. Let go of your own high expectations you have for yourself, and then let go of those expectations you give to men, a man to be your husband, boyfriend and etc.
Find the joy in your heart and live with jouful feelings about yourself of being free! Then my friend you are able to understand and have the clear picture of what you are looking for in a man! Best of luck, and hang in there, you dont need a man to complete you, you are the only one who can fill this place that is empty in your life, a man just adds to your life to the fullest when you are happy inside and out. With all the baggage of hurts, pain, you cant give to anyone that you have not got yourself. You got to be the whole you, to be able to give to others. If you are torned, hurted well, basislly you are gving the worst to others (in men) and that you cant see the full clear picture in the relationship, cause its all masked with the baggage from your heart.
When you are healed, happy and content with yourself, then you are ready to meet that special man, person in your life to love on, and for you to give that person what you want in life. Best of luck and wishes.
Hopefully if you have God in your life, This will even be the best gift you can do for yourself is to let God to healed you, and complete you to the fullest.